I found this on the internet and I thought it was kind of interesting....seeing that we have been singing this song every year for many years as a part of our Christmas tradition. It's about the song "a partridge in a pear tree."

From 1558 until 1829 CE, Roman Catholics in England were not allowed to practice their faith openly. Someone during that era wrote this carol as catechism song for young Catholics. It has two levels of meaning; the surface meaning, plus a hidden meaning known only to members of their church.


Each element in the carol has a code word for a religious reality, which the children could remember.


a.. The partridge in a pear tree was Jesus Christ.


b.. Two turtle doves were the Old and New Testaments.


c.. Three French hens stood for faith, hope and love.


d.. The four calling birds were the four gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John.


e.. The five golden rings recalled the Torah or Law, the first five books of the Old Testament.


f.. The six geese a-laying stood for the six days of creation.


g.. Seven swans a-swimming represented the sevenfold gifts of the Holy Spirit: Prophesy, Serving, Teaching, Exhortation, Contribution, Leadership, and Mercy.


h.. The eight maids a milking were the eight beatitudes.


i.. Nine ladies dancing were the nine fruits of the Holy Ghost: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, Self-control.


j.. The ten lords a-leaping were the Ten Commandments.


k.. Eleven pipers piping stood for the eleven faithful disciples.


l.. Twelve drummers drumming symbolized the twelve points of belief in the Apostles' Creed.


So there is your history lesson for today. I found this interesting and now I know how this "very strange" song became a xmas carol.

I'm just getting back into the swing of things again since our trip to Disney. We were so glad to be back home. Jayden and Brooklyn were both sick our last day in Disney so the trip home was hard. Although, there were a few highlights and enjoyable moments, they were unfortunately over shadowed by the painful moments. As much as we tried to have a good time, it was really difficult. This whole new world we're walking into is extremely painful and we saw that first hand. As much as you try to prepare yourself, it was almost impossible to brace yourself for what we would see. I saw pain in so many eyes. I thought my heart couldn't break any more, but it did. What does God do with broken hearts? I don't know for sure what the answer is. But it's a question I'm beginning to ask again and again. He seems to be breaking our hearts on a regular basis. One highlight though was meeting a wonderful Christian Mom who was full of life. Her daughter has San Filippo and is now 12 years old. So she's been on this journey for a while. She has an inspiring story and her heart for her daughter and for God was nothing short of amazing. She was excited to introduce us to her daughter Julia and told us what a gift she is to their family. We saw God, in that moment. He continues to remind us to look for Him in uncommon places. He reminds me of where He was born, in an uncommon place and laid in an uncommon bed. I don't want to miss those uncommon moments because they're priceless.

Psalm 91:1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This verse has completely gripped my heart recently. As I learn to dwell in His shelter, He comes and draws me to Himself and infuses His peace into my brokenness.

Well, we leave for Disney on Tuesday. So I think we're all ready for a time away. Our Christmas shopping is done and wrapping is done. Yeah!! Pray for our family as we travel and as we enjoy our little ones in the "happiest place on earth". (So I'm told) I'm not so sure, that might be heaven for us.

I'm not sure how we'll be able to take in all of the information. We know that God has been preparing us for this trip. He knows whats best for us. We just continue to trust in His power and strength. But pray for Stef as she'll be the one with the notebook and pen in hand. God bless her for wanting to learn all she can about this disease. I believe that it will be good for all of us. But we do covet your prayers.

We experienced a wonderful prayer time at Justin and Stefanie's home a few weeks ago. The body of Christ in motion using their gifts to minister to our family and especially to Justin and Stefanie. We were very touched by the love of God's people. It seems that God continually amazes us at His provisions on a daily basis. Someone or something seems to fall into place to speak into our brokenness. We are humbled. I'm continually reminded of God's love and mercy.

I just heard it said that God gives where He finds empty hands. I pray that my hands remain empty for Him to fill. As I was reading in Psalm 16 ~ I love verse 11 ~ In His presence is fullness of Joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. As we begin our Christmas season, I give Him my empty hands and desire His presence more than presents. Although I love presents and gift giving, maybe this year I will concentrate more on His presence.

Psalm 16:5-8 Lord, you alone are my inheritance, my cup of blessing. You guard all that is mine. The land you have given me is a pleasant land. What a wonderful inheritance. I will bless the Lord who guides me, even at night my heart instructs me. I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for He is right beside me.

As I think about Thanksgiving and how much we have to be thankful for, I feel so blessed to have family so close. We have experienced the darkest days of our lives just recently. Our family has been our rock and I sense more than ever God's tremendous peace. It's the peace that passeth all understanding, it can only come from Jesus. It's unexplainable. I sat in the waiting room on Monday with Jayden and Brooklyn as Stef took them in for their dr. appointments. I felt the whole time a tremendous amount of peace that could only come from above. I feel that God is just asking me to be still, wait patiently, rest in Him. He continues to bring the peace. He has a purpose for our sweet babies.

In Psalm 23, David says, He brings us to rest in green meadows, He leads us besides peaceful waters and then He restores our soul. That's Thanksgiving!

Tomorrow on the 25th Tyler celebrates his 18th birthday. I can't believe my baby is going to be 18. I couldn't be more proud of Tyler. He's so gifted in many ways. I sometimes can't believe he's my son. Tyler has grown up so fast. I blinked once too often. He's now official and I have to let go once more. Though Ty's a messy. I love him, messy room and all. Happy birthday Ty!

Thank you all so much for praying for our family. On Saturday the 28th at 11am, there will be a prayer vigil at Justin and Stefanie's house. For family members or anyone else who are not a part of Beach Bible or Immanuel, just wanted to let you know as well. If you can come, that would be great. It will only be about 15 minutes.

I certainly don't understand what God has in mind right now. I struggle to put words together at times. When someone says how are you? I'm still not sure how to answer that. I'm sometimes in pain....sometimes I'm joyful.....sometimes I'm anxious. But thankfully God knows these things about me. He says that when I'm weary and heavy laden to come to Him and He gives rest, He says to "take my yoke upon you for my burden is easy and my yoke is light." He lifts the burdens and gives us the words we need to answer the questions we really don't know how to answer. He's the giver of all good things. He's the helper of the helpless.

In the book of John, he writes, that Mary and Martha sent someone to tell Jesus that "the one He loves is sick." I simply pray the same. Lord, the ones you love are sick. I know He hears my prayers. It is an unbelieveable privilege that He listens to our needs. Even if what we have to say impresses know one but God. My prayers are honored as precious jewels. Thank you Jesus.

Ephesians 3:16-20 ~ I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge. that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen

I've been thinking about God's silence in our lives. I think now more than at any time in my life that its in the silence that I find is the beginning of God's dwelling place. He desires for me to come to that place and rest. I find in the silence I begin to feel His presence and hear His voice. There's something powerful in His silence.

I'm reading a book called In the Tough Times by Max Lucado. (Thanks Patti for the book) He writes, We're thinking "preserve the body", He's thinking "Save the soul."
We dream of a pay raise. He dreams of raising the dead. We avoid pain and seek peace. God uses pain to bring peace. I'm gonig to live before I die, we resolve. Die so you can live, He instructs. We love what rusts. He loves what endures. We rejoice at our successes. He rejoices at our confessions. We show our children the Nike star with the million dollar smile and say "Be like Mike" God points to the crucified carpenter with bloody lips and a torn side and says, "Be like Christ."

I'm learning to be still and set my sights on Him. It's taking a moment to be still, quiet, open and willing and know He is God.

Psalm 37:7 ~ Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act.

This past weekend we were fortunate enough to have Bob and Gayle Murray stay with us. They are long time friends from our Gull Lake days. I was a little worried about getting a few things accomplished before they arrived. For different reasons, I was not getting anything done. I needed to get to the grocery store, clean my house at least so it looked clean. It's definitely not clean. But anyway, I wanted to get some baking done, beds made and the room arranged for them to sleep. On Friday night I wondered if I would get anything done and I began to pray and ask the Lord to help me to either get these little things done or if not, to just be able to let it all go and be ok with the way things were. On Friday night I woke in the night and the verse in Phillippians came to me...4:19 And my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in Christ Jesus. I claimed that promise and fell back to sleep. i felt a peace and a presence. I knew he'd supply all that I needed. He did it richly. We loved having the Murray's. Both Ken and I felt privledged to have them in our home. We are the ones that received the blessings. It was just what we needed. They bring with them such a sense of joy. They even smell like Jesus. It can't help but be contagious.

Phillippians 4:6-7 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

As I was thinking back to a conversation I had with Justin about the verse in Psalms that says He is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalms 34:4 I remember saying that we can claim and understand that intellectually. But what if we don't feel His presence or His closeness. Will the Lord bring us to that place so we can absolutely feel it and sense it and know it? As we talked I realize that yes, but it begins first in our intellect and God in His grace and mercy allows His spirit to seep past our mind and into our hearts and He begins the healing. He was doing that even when we felt His silence. He speaks to us in many ways even "during the dark night of the soul."

I've been reading a book called "He speaks to me," The author writes, "God is using silence to strengthen your trust in Him and open your ears to spiritual truths. We know that we are becoming spiritually mature when God is silent and instead of asking why, we humble ourselves before Him and persevere in prayer. It is a mark of maturity to believe that even though God may be silent, He is still in control. Trust that in His silence, God is speaking to you. He wants silence to make you desperate not for a solution to your problem, but for more of Him."

He is using these truths in my life and I pray that He will use them in your life as well.

The darkness of my soul seemed to fit the cloudy rainy days of October. But with the sun shining today my soul begins to thrive once again. Although, we still shed a few tears along the way. I know tears are good!

The word "terminal" keeps entering my mind, my thoughts, my conversations. I can hardly put the word terminal in the same sentence as "newborn baby." Those words shouldn't coexist, nor should they be in the same sentence as "3 year old." I wonder, how can that possibly be. I know we're all terminal. We obviously don't know when that will be. So with new fervor I hold my grandbabies a little tighter, desire to cling a little closer, to want to be in their presence and enjoy every moment we have together. Then I think isnt that what God desires for me. To hold on to Him a little tighter, to cling to Him a little closer and to just enjoy being in His presence. I'm so thankful that my heavenly father wants the same thing for me that I desire for my grandbabies.

Psalm 64:6-8 On my bed I remeber you; I think of you through the watches of the night. Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings. My soul clings to you, your right hand upholds me.

I just want to thank all my dear friends and family who have been so faithful to pray for us, especially in the "watches of the night." You will never know how much your prayers and words of encouragment have helped us walk through the dark hours. Thank you for encouraging me through your kind words, texts, emails, hugs. You have demonstrated Jesus in a real way.

GIfts

With Christmas coming, I thought about the gifts I need to buy. Today I was thinking, I wish I could give the gift of sleep. I know Justin and Stefanie could really use that right now. If we could go to the store and purchase that! Or how about the gift of "renewed joy, renewed hope, renewed strength. How about the gift of "a break." I can't give them these wrapped in a box, but God has already given them these gifts. They've even opened them up. I'm so glad that these gifts come to us when we need them, He gives us just enough grace for the moment. Justin reminded me of that the other day and Grandpa reminded him. This amazing gift was given to us in the form of a manger wrapped in mercy and grace! As I open up the gifts He gives, I pray that I won't put them back in the box. That He would unleash His power in us and that we would use the gifts He has graciously given.



Keep Justin and Stefanie in your prayers as they manage many new things. That they continue to see God's grace in the moments they need them. That God would protect their minds at night so they can sleep well.

A praise ~ Jayden is feeling better. His little light continues to brighten our lives. What a gift!



Psalm 36:5-9 Your unfailing love, O Lord, is as vast as the heavens; your faithfulness reaches beyond the clouds, your righteousness is like the mighty mountains, your justice like the ocean depths. You care for people and animals alike, O Lord. How precious is your unfailing love, O God! All humanity finds shelter in the shadow of your wings. You feed them from the abundance of your own house, letting them drink from your rivers of delight. For you are the fountain of life, the light by which we see.

Wow! The sun is shining. I also want the son to be shining in me. Is he shining in me through this difficult time? I pray he is.

I was thinking back a few weeks ago, we still had very raw emotions and we were hanging on tightly to each other. A few family members were standing in our kitchen and we were going to pray. We were holding hands and Justin was getting ready to pray, Jayden stood in the middle of our circle and he started to sing "Oh". We know what that means to Jayden because we sing the Johnny Appleseed song, "oh the Lords been good to me and so I thank the Lord, for giving me the things I need, the sun and the rain and the apple seed, the Lords been good to me." Even though he doesn't know all the words he started us out singing. What a precious moment, like Keith said, Jayden is going to show us all how to live. I think he's doing that. In that moment, the son was shining. I think we all recognized it as coming directly from His hand to our hearts.

Psalm 4:6b-8 Let the light of your face shine upon us, O Lord. You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound. I will lie down and sleep in peace for you alone, O Lord make me dwell in safety.

I know we've all struggled with sleep these past few weeks. I can only pray that these words from the Psalmist will fill us with a greater joy than we can ever know and allow to sleep peacefully again.

Yesterday we celebrated Jayden's 3rd birthday. His Bob the builder / Handy Manny dress up was great! What a fun way to celebrate with Jayden (although he was sick and was unsure of what everyone was doing at his house). Who would have thought that we would be celebrating in this way only 2 weeks after finding out that our beautiful babies have a terminal illness. So many people came by to express their love to our family. I think more than anything we realized how blessed we are by so much support from family and friends. Not to say that we don't struggle. How many people have had to truly lay their babies down. To completely give them up to what ever God is choosing for them. There is no manual to tell us how to do this. I realize that our manual is God's word and His presence in our lives. I'm continually reminded that when we're at the end of who we are, we are then at the beginning of God. Isn't that the best place to be.

I was thinking about the verse that says "a little child shall lead them." Well, when I take Jayden with me shopping, I usually go to the toy section and find him a toy to play with while I shop. Or if it's Stefanie and I shopping together we both have realized how that tactic works with Jayden. Just find him a new toy and he's completely satisfied to hold it and play with it while we're in the store and when it's time to leave, he graciously puts it back. He doesn't necessarily want it or ask for it or ever beg for it. I thought how often do I put things back when I'm shopping for something that I really want. I find I'm holding onto things with much less attachment. Things are nice, but they don't hold the value as they have had in the past. I can truly put them back, like Jayden. What a great lesson that has been for me and I love that about him. I knew that he would teach us many things and it's just the beginning.

Today as I think about all the moments I've sensed God's presence, it's more than ever. God is close to the broken hearted and crushed in spirit. Or maybe it's that I'm tuned in. I don't know, but I'm waiting and listening.



As I sit and pray for my children, my thoughts go to Justin and Stefanie, as they will begin now to parent differently. Their lives (and ours as well) will look very different from what we thought. But God is not surprised by any of this. Why did He choose them? I wonder....all I know is that God is wise, all knowing and amazing. He has something big and we just wait expectantly. He is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we could ask or think. Now we really learn to trust in His promises.



I know Justin is struggling with all of the worries that any father would have after finding out his children have a terminal illness. All I can do is bring him to the feet of Jesus and let Him do the healing and the work that only God can do. As a parent, I want to fix what is broken, and when you realize you can't fix or mend this, you feel utterly helpless. We just again remind ourselves that God is the ultimate healer.



Psalm 43:3 Send forth your light and your truth, let them guide me, let them bring me to your holy mountain, to the place where you dwell. Then will I go to the altar of God, to God , my joy and my delight. I will praise you with the harp, O God, my God. Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

We are so thankful for the prayers and love of God's people. I realize that people show their love in amazing ways and God is using them in our lives.

We don't know where this journey will take us, but we keep reminding ourselves that it's not our job to worry about tomorrow. Our God will do that for us. He's a big God and can handle all our doubts and fears for the future. We are reminded that the trip we thought we were going to take is going to look different. But it's still a wonderful trip. Like the story about Italy, we long to take this trip because we've heard so many amazing stories about Italy and how beautiful it is and what a wonderful place to go, but then we get off the plane and we find out we're not in Italy, we're in Hollland. But realizing that Holland is beautiful as well, it might not be Italy, but it's a wonderful place too. So we don't want to spend time grieving over Italy and miss out on the beautiful and wonderful place that Holland offers. We desire now to embrace each day as gift from God. How many days we have missed out on tasting and seeing the goodness of God, because we're so busy worrying over things we have no control of anyway.

The Bible says over and over to "be still and know that I am God," "wait patiently for Him." Those aren't words that I long to hear. But I am learning. Its not easy. but I desire to walk that way. The Lord is now asking me to do that. I don't know but maybe that's the gift He's giving. Well, I'm learning if I don't share what is on my heart, that He is going to give it to someone else. Am I willing to share what He's teaching me? That's the new adventure.

A new journey

As I begin to express my thoughts on this blog, I really don't know where to begin. My thoughts race and I struggle to land them in a safe place. But our journey begins, we found out yesterday that our grandbabies, Jayden and Brooklyn have a rare genetic disorder. It's called San Filippo, it is type A; which is one of the most severe. Most children only live into their second decade with this disease. It wasn't words that we would ever want to hear. But these were the words. As I have processed these new terms , I can't tell you how my heart has ached, words can't express the depth of pain and anguish. Watching Justin and Stefanie process and walk through these last weeks has been excruciating for all of us. I've never seen my son in so much pain. He is learning as we all are how to trust God. Who would have thought we'd have to learn to trust in this way, to lay our babies down. Stefanie has been a rock. She has already turned the corner, much sooner than the rest of us I might add. She will be a fighter for her children, she will not leave one stone unturned. God couldn't have given our grandbabies anything better than the two parents he gave them. God has a plan and purpose for all of this. It certainly wasn't the trip we wanted to take. But we don't want to miss the beautiful things that He will offer us on this new journey. We will be richer for it. Psalm 34:7-8 The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them. Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him. I picture an angel protecting us, actually camped out here. Wow!! Offering us good food!!