The prayer I almost didn't pray!

I remember as a little girl growing up, hearing my parents praying.  I would often wake in the early morning to their prayers wafting in my room.  Many times I saw them on their knees.  They were prayer warriors.  I thought this was normal.

 I often wonder today if those prayers they prayed for me have been  somehow stored up for my life today. 

I can't say I carried on their prayer warrior habits so well.  

A few months ago I found myself saying a prayer tho that caught me by surprise.  I felt the sting of fear come over me.  I hesitated and wanted to think about all the ramifications first before I prayed. 

Maybe today wasn't the right day.  Maybe I should pray differently, not that prayer.  Prayers sometime scare me.   I fear the uncertain.  Although we've had plenty of uncertainty.

But I also wondered if maybe God might answer. And I knew I was ill equipped.   

My faith was weak and I knew it.  

I remember sitting in church that morning It wasn't clear to me of the significance of this prayer.  But as I prayed that morning, I prayed with new hope.  Maybe for the first time God said your ready.  

Because I know we're always being prepared for something new.  

Gods purposes prevail when the door of our heart swings wide open. 

I have seen God work in our lives in the last few years through the brokenness we'd experienced.   We would certainly say we'd received many blessings. But there were still many unanswered prayers.  I know there will always be unanswered prayers.

I have seen Gods grace.   Grace would show up in unexpected ways. Like in our 2 grandchildren Jayden and Brooklyn who have Sanfilippo syndrome.  God would remind me day after day that his grace resides in the broken. 

 I wanted to run to the broken. I wanted to experience grace. 

I would see grace in a scrabble tile.  He would take a small offering I had and increase it beyond my wildest dream.  That scrabble tile equaled $10,000.00 toward a beautiful home for Jayden and Brooklyn. 

Grace would again be apparent in a precious young woman who came and lived with us.  She came with a lot of pain and struggle.   I would be reminded again Gods grace is most recognized in our lives when we entertain the broken.  

Maybe sometimes we jump in the pit along side of them.  Because for some reason God had shown us the way out and we now knew the direction.  

God keeps reminding me that grace isn't  about us getting it right.  But it's more about our mess and brokenness that God takes and redeems to use in unexpected ways.

As I felt this prayer sweep over me,  It was a combination of things that led me to pray a new prayer.   

Bob Goff was speaking at our church.   I had just finished reading his book Love Does, it was perfect timing in my life.  I went believing that God was going to speak. 

My prayer was simple. Not complicated I just prayed "open my eyes Lord to the broken people around me.  Let me see them in a new way."  We had been surrounded by brokenness and we certainly had experienced our share.

I heard a whisper that said you need to hear peoples stories.  They need to hear your story.  They need to know that their stories matter.  

Sometimes God calls us to stumble onto each other's paths.   So that we can bleed with each other. 

I felt an affirmation that morning when Bob spoke that I hadn't ever felt before.  Sometimes we just need to be told that we can do it.  For me it was go love people who are broken like me. 

Bob also would remind us "you already know enough!  What's stopping you."

I had been sensing for sometime a restlessness in my spirit.  I had been wafting about with this prayer, but this day it changed for me.  

Thanks Bob for being the conduit to remind me to love differently.  That love does things. 

I'm glad God chose to unsettle me that morning.  I know now that it was the right time to pray that prayer. 

I had always believed the lie thinking  I would never know enough for God to use me.  Somehow I needed more knowledge.  That somehow perfection came into play.  And I knew I was far from that.  Perfection seeking completely crippled me. It kept me from doing things. 

No more perfection!  Just stumble onto one another's paths. Let God use our messes and imperfections and broken stuff.  

Pray the prayer that unsettles. You never know how God will change your life.  

 Like Bob says go love someone.  You know enough.   It may change your life.  It did mine.  Amen.