What are you looking for?

I was just minding my own business when out of the blue my husband stood behind me interrupting my thoughts.

"Look what I found" he chided, dangling in front of my eyes, a bracelet, not just a bracelet though a diamond bracelet.  A diamond bracelet that i had lost about a year or more ago.

 I remembered the day I lost it.  I had glanced down at my wrist horrified at the realization that it was gone.  I began searching every nook and cranny I could think of.  Then I realized, I had been gone some of the day enjoying some retail therapy (but that's for another day kind of confessional).  

Who knows where i lost it. Seriously I couldn't believe it! 

My heart sunk down into the abyss.  I tried hard to forget about it.  But instead my thoughts wouldn't leave me alone.    All I could feel now was sick to my stomach.  

I even wondered about the person who found it and wondered how they felt with my bracelet on their wrist.  I wanted them to get sick or get the plague or something.  I wanted them to feel bad and be nauseous and not sleep at night like me.  

My vengeful self had seeped to the surface. 

I stood in disbelief for a few minutes.  Was he really holding the same bracelet I had lost.  Could it be?  Like, did he tackle someone who had the same bracelet as I.  Because I know that he would!  I know that he would!!

My thoughts began to spin in my head.  Oops I hoped he hadn't hurt anyone.  Oh no, now I feel really bad.  But he promised he hadn't. 

He finally admitted that he had found it in my car under the seat.  It had been there well over a year or more.  Some how in my searching I never thought to look there.

I guess it really wasn't lost at all.  No one had found it and no one had lbeen wearing it.  I just didn't see it.  

The funny thing is, it had been there all the time.  All those months of anxiety and searching.  It was really in a safe place. 

Now I needed to back pedal and apologize to that made up person I was blaming.  

 I think that about God sometimes.  I wonder where He is.  I don't see him or hear him speak.  He seems silent.  Some how it feels as if He's hiding. 

 It's like He's under the car seat just waiting for me to look there.

I can't say I always understand Gods timing or His purpose in our lives.  But He reminds me again that He's residing right here.  He never gives up or hides himself from us. 

Sometimes though we have to open our eyes and look.  Thats all He's asking.  Look and see and you will find me when you do. 

Ken wasn't looking for my bracelet when he found it.  He was actually looking for his key remote.  

Isn't that how God works!  

We find ourselves looking for something else and we find Jesus.  Isn't that the amazing thing about grace.  Grace is always there.  

Grace resides in His presence. 

Bring me there.  Grace is always available!  

1 Chronicles 16:11

11 Search for the Lord and for his strength;
    continually seek him.

Matthew 7:8

 For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.

Maybe what I'm learning is........

If we look for good, we'll find goodness.  If we look for hope we become hopeful.  If we look for joy we become joyful and if we look for grace we find Jesus.

So the next time you lose something, I pray you find abundantly more than you could ever ask or think! 

2 Corinthians 9:8

And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. 

Sweet grace notes!

Today I sit quietly in front of my fireplace   I put my feet on the coffee table and I take a deep breath.  I sigh!  At this moment I feel a sense of peace.

Trust me it's not always that easy.  But today I sense Gods presence and I hear a murmur of sorts that says "Good morning, my name is Grace. "

I sink back in my chair and my mind wanders back about 5 years. It was a difficult and painful time.  I struggled with Gods grace, I wondered where God was and if he was even good. Nothing made sense, especially grace. What did that mean?

Our lives took on new perspective.   God would set us on a different path.  Maybe a road less traveled.  Our two oldest grandchildren were diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder called Sanfilippo syndrome. Those words were terrifying to hear and terribly painful.

I realize now that grace shows up in the dark places and it keeps showing up.  I've learned now to look for God in the hard and painful.  He resides there.  I am so glad. 

We know that Jayden and Brooklyn will only live into their early teens and in between now and then they will slowly lose all their abilities.   Hard to watch, yes!  Painful, for sure! 

In the meantime, Gods army of love, and grace begins its work.   Grace continues to spill over in our lives.   His plan is way bigger than our pain. 

I see his grace show up in Brooklyn's beautiful songs.  Her words are less clear but her voice is precious and her notes are sweet. They are my grace notes.  Brooklyn shows me a glimpse of Gods grace.  

God lovingly and in his timing strips away all our pretenses and silly masks we wear.   He says now you're free.  Live in that freedom.   He says my story of grace is for your freedom.  Wear that instead.  

I used to think it was my goodness and purity that God desired.  But that's not it.   Maybe He's asking us to participate.  He says you can show up, as you are.  I'll provide everything you need.   My purpose will find it's place in you.  

I've learned that God doesn't call the equipped but he equips the called.   I never feel equipped.  God's ways are not our ways and his ways are higher than ours. 

This past Christmas, God placed a very broken young woman in our path.  We knew for us, that this was a road less traveled but we were willing to travel it.  

He plucked her from a very dark and difficult place.  She had become unraveled and was in great pain, struggling to make sense of life. 

 He placed her in the heart of our family.  Mix in an average amount of chaos, lots and lots of love, add a large dose of Christmas.  Enter at your own risk, into our grace story.  

I questioned Gods direction. I wondered what God was up to.  Haven't we had enough pain and sadness for now.  Isn't Sanfiippo enough for us?  

But I was able to recognize God's grace in her.   He was demonstrating to us what grace looked like again.  We've seen it before.   God shows up in the broken and then He reminds us,

"My grace is sufficient for you."

He invites us to participate and He promises strength.  He reminds me again I will use your pain.

I stumbled onto this verse in Proverbs 14:4  "Without oxen a stable stays clean, but you need a strong ox for a large harvest."

I don't always understand His direction, but he asks us at times to allow our stables to get dirty.  I know, I like a clean stable too.  Messy doesn't equal easy.  Let's face it.  We don't always want to get dirty.   

Maybe it's in the messy and broken where the harvest begins.  Just maybe that's where blessing and grace collide. 

God plants the broken in our midst to remind us of his bountiful harvest.  Even when we think we're not enough or equipped or ready or not wanting a dirty stable.  He says there is a harvest waiting.  

Maybe God just wants to remind us that.......

His name is Grace! 

He uses our pain!

He promises strength! 

And He's bringing the harvest!

And a little girl named Brooklyn will remind you too......cuz when she sings, you hear a glimpse of grace and that is for me, sweet grace notes! 

Psalm 65:11
You crown the year with a bountiful harvest, even the hard pathways overflow with
abundance.