Surprised by Grace

I hear God's voice whispering at times to me, saying write your thoughts.  I often push those voices aside. But today I'm going to write what I believe God is whispering in my heart.  God has given us much in this life in blessings.  But the days when the blessings seem to be over shadowed with the brokenness in this life, it's in those days I cry out.  "God can you use me now, in this broken place."  You see 3 years ago my 2 beautiful grandchildren were diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder called Sanfilippo.  We would learn in those first days that life for them would be very short.  The statistics say that a child with Sanfilippo will only live  12-14 years.  My heart cried out "God, where are you?"   God began a new work in my life in those moments and I was surprised by grace.  It was in those first few weeks and months that I was able to say to God, "use me in this broken place."  He has lovingly taken a very ordinary woman, with a simple story and said "let me use your broken steps, your broken heart.  Give them to me  and I will lovingly take them and use them to bless and encourage others around you." grace showed up.   I ask God to somehow make me available, to listen, to be still enough to hear when God whispers into my soul.  Some days it's not clear, and I don't hear anything but the beat of my own heart.  In those moments I just find rest and peace.   But when I sense God's spirit filling me with Himself, I listen, paying attention to His whispering of my name. 

In Isaiah 45:2-3 God ministers to me these words, I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron.  I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord,the God of Israel, who summons you by name.

I believe that God will supply me with what I need each day.  For each of us, He calls us to Himself and so pay attention.   He offers us treasures hidden in the darkness, riches stored in secret places.  Surprising me by grace.

What is my gift to Jesus?

What gift am I willing to give Jesus?  We were asked this question in church yesterday by the pastor.   First we were asked what was the most extravagant gift we had ever given?  I wasn't sure that I had ever given anyone an extravagant gift.  I told my husband that I had given him our 4 children.  Now that might not have been what he was asking exactly.  But as he continued with the message, he began sharing from Matthew the story of Mary.  Mary gave an amazing extravagant gift to Jesus the week before he was going to the cross.  I wonder how much she thought about it before she poured this expenseive perfume on Jesus.  Or if it was just an overwhelming love that she felt in that instance for Him.  I put myself in Mary's place for a moment and I wonder what I would have done.  Knowing my savior was going to be crucifed later in the week, I hope I would have chosen what Mary did.  I know from Mary and Martha's account that Mary also chose to sit at Jesus feet.  While Martha was busy serving, she wanted Jesus to reprimand Mary to help her serve the meal.  But Jesus said at that moment, Martha, Martha,”  “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one.   Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

So what is my gift that I can give to Jesus.  As I've been thinking about that thought, I realize that my gift has to be my adoration.  Mary gave out of her love and adoration of Jesus.  She wasn't expecting anything back.  How often do I pray for something from Jesus.  Most often I pray with my list of bless this, ask for that, comfort someone and I know that God cares for those prayers and requests.  But I have felt a real sense that I need to begin my prayer lists with my complete adoration and love for Jesus.  Leaving behind my lists of requests.  I think when we pray differently, He listens.  When we give ourself to the one who can change lives, He does just that. 

When God whispers your name!

When God whispers your name, what do you hear?  I've been pondering that question.  What is He speaking into my soul lately?  I've been struggling to find the time to write.  To some degree I find it therapeutic.  But time just seems to get the best of me and I say, "maybe tomorrow."  I remember a woman who for a short time was a mentor to me.  She probably didn't know it because we never met formally.  We would have only a few conversations.  But in those few conversations, I learned a lot.  She would often say, "I don't want to miss what God is saying to me."  I've thought about that a lot over the last few years.   I've asked myself the same thing.  In the past few weeks, I've sensed the spirit flowing over my life and my words when I'm sharing what God has been teaching me with others.   Theres nothing more exciting than to feel that fresh spirit of God flowing and speaking new life into your soul.  I think that's what happens when God whispers your name.  His spirit flows and pours new life into your empty, parched soul.   When we take those broken steps and listen to His whispers we find new life.  When we are reaching out to broken people and listening in on their stories, we begin to heal and new life forms in us.   He leads you to places and uses your story of brokenness to help others in their own struggles and pain.  It's in those places you become filled with the blessings and goodness that God offers.  As we mentor and share our lives with others, it's mostly about listening.  A listening ear can be the best gift you give someone.  Just pay attention to what God is whispering in those moments.  It can be life giving and amazement will come when you give yourself away.   When God whispers your name, He will direct your path! 

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

my new normal

I started writing in this blog over 2 years ago.  It has been a place for soul searching I think.  A place to rest a  few thoughts that I've been pondering on. 

I wonder at times at God's provisions.  These past few years are not what I would have expected or thought would be my life or my normal.   For instance, I would never have thought that a trip to Children's Memorial would be a normal part of my life.  Well, it is.  It's no longer a challenge.  It's become routine.  Our new normal.  A lot of things I must say have become a new kind of normal. 

My new normal is enjoying Jayden's giggles and grins.  It's watching him jump and jive around the family room enjoying an episode of Bob the Builder.  Watching Brooklyn enjoy singing and dancing to Barney.  Brooklyn calling me on my phone and chatting away for about 10 minutes.  If  I was having a bad day before that phone call, well I wouldn't after that conversation..  That's the joys of having grandchildren. Watching and enjoying Lucy and hearing her ask her GG if she would like her to wipe her butt for her!   She made me laugh till I cried!

Sanfilipppo may have tried to break us and to steal our joy.  God says I have a different plan for you Joan,  are you open to hearing from me?   Surrender your pain, your sadness your struggle, all your stuff, your every day.   I will use it for good in your life.  It will now be your new normal.  So, yes my new normal is finding my days filled with wiping dirty faces, changing dirty diapers, filling juice cups, searching the cupboards for fun fruits and chips.  Picking up lots and lots of toys.  Maybe it's not an exciting life to some, but it couldn't be more fullfulling!  Living and appreciating each day that God gives.   I want God to be happy that He gave life to someone who loves, loves the gift!   My new normal.  Thats the gift!  Thank you Jesus!