As I think about Thanksgiving and how much we have to be thankful for, I feel so blessed to have family so close. We have experienced the darkest days of our lives just recently. Our family has been our rock and I sense more than ever God's tremendous peace. It's the peace that passeth all understanding, it can only come from Jesus. It's unexplainable. I sat in the waiting room on Monday with Jayden and Brooklyn as Stef took them in for their dr. appointments. I felt the whole time a tremendous amount of peace that could only come from above. I feel that God is just asking me to be still, wait patiently, rest in Him. He continues to bring the peace. He has a purpose for our sweet babies.

In Psalm 23, David says, He brings us to rest in green meadows, He leads us besides peaceful waters and then He restores our soul. That's Thanksgiving!

Tomorrow on the 25th Tyler celebrates his 18th birthday. I can't believe my baby is going to be 18. I couldn't be more proud of Tyler. He's so gifted in many ways. I sometimes can't believe he's my son. Tyler has grown up so fast. I blinked once too often. He's now official and I have to let go once more. Though Ty's a messy. I love him, messy room and all. Happy birthday Ty!

Thank you all so much for praying for our family. On Saturday the 28th at 11am, there will be a prayer vigil at Justin and Stefanie's house. For family members or anyone else who are not a part of Beach Bible or Immanuel, just wanted to let you know as well. If you can come, that would be great. It will only be about 15 minutes.

I certainly don't understand what God has in mind right now. I struggle to put words together at times. When someone says how are you? I'm still not sure how to answer that. I'm sometimes in pain....sometimes I'm joyful.....sometimes I'm anxious. But thankfully God knows these things about me. He says that when I'm weary and heavy laden to come to Him and He gives rest, He says to "take my yoke upon you for my burden is easy and my yoke is light." He lifts the burdens and gives us the words we need to answer the questions we really don't know how to answer. He's the giver of all good things. He's the helper of the helpless.

In the book of John, he writes, that Mary and Martha sent someone to tell Jesus that "the one He loves is sick." I simply pray the same. Lord, the ones you love are sick. I know He hears my prayers. It is an unbelieveable privilege that He listens to our needs. Even if what we have to say impresses know one but God. My prayers are honored as precious jewels. Thank you Jesus.

Ephesians 3:16-20 ~ I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge. that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen

I've been thinking about God's silence in our lives. I think now more than at any time in my life that its in the silence that I find is the beginning of God's dwelling place. He desires for me to come to that place and rest. I find in the silence I begin to feel His presence and hear His voice. There's something powerful in His silence.

I'm reading a book called In the Tough Times by Max Lucado. (Thanks Patti for the book) He writes, We're thinking "preserve the body", He's thinking "Save the soul."
We dream of a pay raise. He dreams of raising the dead. We avoid pain and seek peace. God uses pain to bring peace. I'm gonig to live before I die, we resolve. Die so you can live, He instructs. We love what rusts. He loves what endures. We rejoice at our successes. He rejoices at our confessions. We show our children the Nike star with the million dollar smile and say "Be like Mike" God points to the crucified carpenter with bloody lips and a torn side and says, "Be like Christ."

I'm learning to be still and set my sights on Him. It's taking a moment to be still, quiet, open and willing and know He is God.

Psalm 37:7 ~ Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act.

This past weekend we were fortunate enough to have Bob and Gayle Murray stay with us. They are long time friends from our Gull Lake days. I was a little worried about getting a few things accomplished before they arrived. For different reasons, I was not getting anything done. I needed to get to the grocery store, clean my house at least so it looked clean. It's definitely not clean. But anyway, I wanted to get some baking done, beds made and the room arranged for them to sleep. On Friday night I wondered if I would get anything done and I began to pray and ask the Lord to help me to either get these little things done or if not, to just be able to let it all go and be ok with the way things were. On Friday night I woke in the night and the verse in Phillippians came to me...4:19 And my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in Christ Jesus. I claimed that promise and fell back to sleep. i felt a peace and a presence. I knew he'd supply all that I needed. He did it richly. We loved having the Murray's. Both Ken and I felt privledged to have them in our home. We are the ones that received the blessings. It was just what we needed. They bring with them such a sense of joy. They even smell like Jesus. It can't help but be contagious.

Phillippians 4:6-7 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

As I was thinking back to a conversation I had with Justin about the verse in Psalms that says He is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalms 34:4 I remember saying that we can claim and understand that intellectually. But what if we don't feel His presence or His closeness. Will the Lord bring us to that place so we can absolutely feel it and sense it and know it? As we talked I realize that yes, but it begins first in our intellect and God in His grace and mercy allows His spirit to seep past our mind and into our hearts and He begins the healing. He was doing that even when we felt His silence. He speaks to us in many ways even "during the dark night of the soul."

I've been reading a book called "He speaks to me," The author writes, "God is using silence to strengthen your trust in Him and open your ears to spiritual truths. We know that we are becoming spiritually mature when God is silent and instead of asking why, we humble ourselves before Him and persevere in prayer. It is a mark of maturity to believe that even though God may be silent, He is still in control. Trust that in His silence, God is speaking to you. He wants silence to make you desperate not for a solution to your problem, but for more of Him."

He is using these truths in my life and I pray that He will use them in your life as well.

The darkness of my soul seemed to fit the cloudy rainy days of October. But with the sun shining today my soul begins to thrive once again. Although, we still shed a few tears along the way. I know tears are good!

The word "terminal" keeps entering my mind, my thoughts, my conversations. I can hardly put the word terminal in the same sentence as "newborn baby." Those words shouldn't coexist, nor should they be in the same sentence as "3 year old." I wonder, how can that possibly be. I know we're all terminal. We obviously don't know when that will be. So with new fervor I hold my grandbabies a little tighter, desire to cling a little closer, to want to be in their presence and enjoy every moment we have together. Then I think isnt that what God desires for me. To hold on to Him a little tighter, to cling to Him a little closer and to just enjoy being in His presence. I'm so thankful that my heavenly father wants the same thing for me that I desire for my grandbabies.

Psalm 64:6-8 On my bed I remeber you; I think of you through the watches of the night. Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings. My soul clings to you, your right hand upholds me.

I just want to thank all my dear friends and family who have been so faithful to pray for us, especially in the "watches of the night." You will never know how much your prayers and words of encouragment have helped us walk through the dark hours. Thank you for encouraging me through your kind words, texts, emails, hugs. You have demonstrated Jesus in a real way.

GIfts

With Christmas coming, I thought about the gifts I need to buy. Today I was thinking, I wish I could give the gift of sleep. I know Justin and Stefanie could really use that right now. If we could go to the store and purchase that! Or how about the gift of "renewed joy, renewed hope, renewed strength. How about the gift of "a break." I can't give them these wrapped in a box, but God has already given them these gifts. They've even opened them up. I'm so glad that these gifts come to us when we need them, He gives us just enough grace for the moment. Justin reminded me of that the other day and Grandpa reminded him. This amazing gift was given to us in the form of a manger wrapped in mercy and grace! As I open up the gifts He gives, I pray that I won't put them back in the box. That He would unleash His power in us and that we would use the gifts He has graciously given.



Keep Justin and Stefanie in your prayers as they manage many new things. That they continue to see God's grace in the moments they need them. That God would protect their minds at night so they can sleep well.

A praise ~ Jayden is feeling better. His little light continues to brighten our lives. What a gift!



Psalm 36:5-9 Your unfailing love, O Lord, is as vast as the heavens; your faithfulness reaches beyond the clouds, your righteousness is like the mighty mountains, your justice like the ocean depths. You care for people and animals alike, O Lord. How precious is your unfailing love, O God! All humanity finds shelter in the shadow of your wings. You feed them from the abundance of your own house, letting them drink from your rivers of delight. For you are the fountain of life, the light by which we see.

Wow! The sun is shining. I also want the son to be shining in me. Is he shining in me through this difficult time? I pray he is.

I was thinking back a few weeks ago, we still had very raw emotions and we were hanging on tightly to each other. A few family members were standing in our kitchen and we were going to pray. We were holding hands and Justin was getting ready to pray, Jayden stood in the middle of our circle and he started to sing "Oh". We know what that means to Jayden because we sing the Johnny Appleseed song, "oh the Lords been good to me and so I thank the Lord, for giving me the things I need, the sun and the rain and the apple seed, the Lords been good to me." Even though he doesn't know all the words he started us out singing. What a precious moment, like Keith said, Jayden is going to show us all how to live. I think he's doing that. In that moment, the son was shining. I think we all recognized it as coming directly from His hand to our hearts.

Psalm 4:6b-8 Let the light of your face shine upon us, O Lord. You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound. I will lie down and sleep in peace for you alone, O Lord make me dwell in safety.

I know we've all struggled with sleep these past few weeks. I can only pray that these words from the Psalmist will fill us with a greater joy than we can ever know and allow to sleep peacefully again.

Yesterday we celebrated Jayden's 3rd birthday. His Bob the builder / Handy Manny dress up was great! What a fun way to celebrate with Jayden (although he was sick and was unsure of what everyone was doing at his house). Who would have thought that we would be celebrating in this way only 2 weeks after finding out that our beautiful babies have a terminal illness. So many people came by to express their love to our family. I think more than anything we realized how blessed we are by so much support from family and friends. Not to say that we don't struggle. How many people have had to truly lay their babies down. To completely give them up to what ever God is choosing for them. There is no manual to tell us how to do this. I realize that our manual is God's word and His presence in our lives. I'm continually reminded that when we're at the end of who we are, we are then at the beginning of God. Isn't that the best place to be.