Finding grace in the messy moments.

I have to admit I really don't like being messy.  Although it at times is a common occurrence.  I struggle making sense of things when everything is in disarray.  I get bogged down.  

But life is messy.  So in a real sense I've become more inclined to find a place of peace and joy in the broken distractions and messy stuff.  

Because it is joy in the messy that  I need and hunger for.  

Christmas can be that for us.  It is often hard to see the beauty of the season when all that's in front of us is broken messy and anything but joyful.  

It's in this place that I remind myself of the perfect gift The baby who came wrapped in mercy and grace. The baby who came to redeem and prepare. The baby who came to bring joy out of our chaos. The baby who came to remind us how to love beyond our abilities.  

The baby who came to restore the broken and messy. 

So my focus can be the broken messy  distractions or it can be on the grace and mercy that is wrapped so beautifully in the season called Christmas.  In the baby who came and looked past time and space to bring redemption and grace. 

I was sitting with a friend the other day and we were talking about the different love languages that we have.  I told her that one of mine is time.  I love having those small moments over a cup of coffee or a meal.  Sharing life and dreams and hope and encouraging words.  That I told her was a gift.  I gave her my time.  It cost me nothing but a cup of coffee. And we both left feeling a little more encouraged. 

I want more of those moments for 2016. I'm not necessarily making any resolutions.  I know I'm not good at keeping then. But if I can continue to see Jesus beyond my broken and often times messiness, than I will look for moments. Moments with people, moments with him. 

Moments just many more moments.  

Mentoring: Am I qualified?

Have you ever thought about mentoring someone?  Have you wondered if you have what it takes?  Did you realize that whether you know it or not, you are mentoring and you are being mentored.  

The good news is there is no wrong or right way.  Best of all, there is no formula.

Often for me, someone spoke into my life over a period of time.    Then on occasion it was just one conversation that was life changing.  

So ive been thinking about how mentoring has changed my heart, I remember as a young wife and mom, I was blessed to have several women around me who wisely and graciously spoke into my life.   

It was not programmed, it was mostly natural and organic.  I'm sure they didn't even know they were mentoring.  I guess when I was growing up, we didn't use the mentoring word like we do today.   

It was unstructured.   It was good.  But at times I longed for more.  

Now that I'm older I see younger women who are much like I was.   Often struggling to live well, love well and do their best to rise to the occasions.   I really understand.  

But I admit I tend to question my ability to walk with others.  Do I have what it takes?  

Can I walk with someone when I've never walked their walk?   When I've never experienced their kind of pain? 

When I can't relate to their struggle or situation? 

The answer I believe is yes.  

Even in the midst of your "not knowing".  Even in the midst of your own pain.  

It's a big yes. 

I love mentoring, loving and speaking into young women today.  Living life, loving in spite of.   I don't have to have answers.  Because quite frankly I dont.  I just try to listen well.  The opportunities come to speak into their hearts, often when I'm at my worst and least expect it.  

I've realized that mentoring is really about loving.  

So I ask myself am I qualified? 

You are qualified:

when you're humble. 

when you stumble. 

when you're a servant.  

when you're  broken, 

when you're listening. 

when you're not enough. 

when your heart is open. 

when you question yourself. 

when you love broken people. 

when you feel you can't relate. 

When you step out in faith.  

When you believe God is working behind the scenes. 

When you believe God is big.  

When you believe God can do extraordinary things.  

When you trust in His abilities not your own.   

It's not about me and what I desire for someone else.  But what does God want for them?

He provides the growth and the wisdom and the direction.  I'm just his gardener.  I may plant or I may water.  But God does the growing.  It's his job.  And its in His timing.  I'm thankful for that.  

There are times I may feel that I fhaven't come close to getting it right.  But it's in that place that God reminds me.   I'm refining you.   

So don't be discouraged.  

He takes your act of love and obedience and He sometimes passes it through the fire.  He says I'm deepening you.  I'm extending your roots, so they can go deeper still.   

All He asks is that our focus to be on Him. 

So today I'm grateful to those lives that I've been able to speak into and to many women who continue to speak into my life.   They have played the roll of mentor to me even when they didn't know.  What a gift we give each other.   

We need both, to be mentored and to 

mentor.  It's a beautiful lifestyle.  

So go love and mentor someone.  They will thank you later.  So will Jesus.  

1 Corinthians 3:7

So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow.

A few of my mentors!  We have been meeting for over a decade.  For that im grateful.  They are My hallelujahs! 

Were you brave or did you cry?

I am ignited by stories and journeys and paths.  I love the ones that are different. I appreciate people who are not afraid to live brave.  To live inside out.  But I find I'm often fearful. 

Sometimes when I write, my inner critic comes to the surface.  I start to write, but then I question that thought.  Don't write that.  I fear.  

Writing I've heard is a place to bleed.   So I sometimes bleed my thoughts.  Thankful I have thoughts to bleed. 

Somedays I have way more questions than answers.  The answers don't come like I want them to.  But I love that God is using the broken parts of my life along with the parts that are somewhat put together.  

My 3 year old granddaughter asked me a question the other day.   She said "Ama, were you brave or did you cry?  I think maybe Ellie was learning her own lessons on being brave.  But she was also teaching me.  

It made me look at my steps of faith.  My steps of courage.  When we enter onto Jesus path we find that it's mostly opposite of what we've probably thought.  

When I think I deserve an "I'm sorry" Jesus says "just forgive......seventy times  seven."  Really. That's a lot.  

When I want to hear a "thank you."  He says wake up each day with a grateful heart anyway.  It's ok if you never hear those words. 

I remember as a stay at home mom.   I longed to hear the words "your doing a great job.  You are raising awesome kids!    You can do it."  

I guess a cheerleader would have been great on those days that seemed to never end.  Those days of doubt and fear that I'm messing them up.  

But that didn't always happen.  No cheerleader showed up at my front door.  At least not at the moments I thought I needed one. 

It takes courage every day.  Were you brave or did you cry?   As we talked, Ellie and I, we realized its ok if you cry.  You're still brave!  Maybe being brave and courageous look different than we thought. 

Maybe it's about waiting patiently.  Maybe it's finding grace in the dark.  Maybe it's about seeing the small graces that inhance our lives every day. 

Maybe it's listening to a little child who asks a thousands questions.  Maybe it's being ok when I don't get what I think I deserve.  

And maybe it's about being someone's cheerleader. When they least expect it.  

Psalm 27:14Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous.  Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.

I pray, "Lord, let us walk with courage.  Let us live inside out like you.  Let us wait patiently for you."

Ellie.  My little teacher. 

Lessons from the back of a motorcycle

We took off on a 8 day trip on our Harley into the mountains of Tennessee and North Carolina.  We wore layers for the brisk autumn chill.  

The sun was glorious and the sky was a Caribbean blue.  The days had a beautiful crispness to them like taking a bite out of a tart apple. 

As we traveled along the masterpiece of beauty and color, His creative works did not go unnoticed. 

The autumn colors were Gods beautiful palette.  I felt more than once that we were riding into an artists autumn painting.  

As we passed through the mountain valleys our eyes couldn't help but look up. Our gaze was always drawn to the top. 

The road was edged in stately trees beckoning our adoration.  The majestic mountains were unnumbered with miles of mountain peaks layered in brilliant shades of blue.  

I was learning that I needed to keep looking up.  Each day was an invitation to be amazed.   We even spotted an eagle circling the tops of the trees.  

God would remind me this is what I want you to do everyday.   Looking upwards is a daily lesson.  When I'm looking up and leaning in, I'm strengthened by grace. 

The journey became my place of grace. 

As I found my eyes in an upward gaze my heart kept calling me to worship.  It didn't matter.....worship came easy, a place to say thank you. A place for a grateful heart.  

It seemed I'd been to church.  

We were on a road that had so many bends and turns that my hands gripped tightly as I struggled to relax.  I was learning with each bend in the road that I had to trust.  I had to trust my driver.  I was totally dependent on my husbands motorcycle skills.  Thankfully they were very good.   

With every bend I had to lean when he leaned.  We never knew what we'd find around each curve.  But it was more lessons for me.  

There would be new reminders each day to trust.  It was with each bend in the blacktop that I would remind myself of the many blessings that I had. 

I think I may have even heard the chorus of "how great thou art" through the roar of the motorcycle. 

The things you learn on the back of a motorcycle. 

Lean in.

Look up.

Trust.

Be amazed.

Have a grateful heart.

Yes. I'd been to church. 

First we have coffee.

For some reason. I woke up this morning missing my mom.  I haven't felt that sting in a while. She's been gone 3 years now.  But I think about her pretty much everyday. Usually it's with a heart of celebration.

Today was different.  I felt a sadness. I wanted so desperately to call her.  I just wanted to unload.  I needed a landing place for my struggles and frustrations. 

This morning I felt i had no place to land my pain.

Her and my dad were my strong towers. It was in the many crazy, tough moments I would call them.  They would show up in person. Or at least in prayer.  I always knew I could rely on them and their prayers for me.  

They loved to be a part of our busy lives in even the smallest of ways.  

Mom carried a heart of grace with her. Especially for her 4 kids. She was my quiet tower of strength.  She wiped my tears more than anyone.  She was my landing place.  

Although today I know she's not able to answer her phone.  But I begin to unload anyway. I know God can handle my frustrations. My brokenness. My heart that hurts.  

He becomes my landing place.  My grace place.  I unload and he doesn't judge me. He wraps his grace arms around my heart and soul.   I need the comfort.  

I feel the grace, like it was my mom.  She offered grace more than anyone I knew.  

I stop for a few minutes at a little cafe.  This place reminds me of her.  My Norwegian influence is represented here. I sit with my coffee.   My moms motto. First we have coffee.  So I take a few sips. I feel moms grace arms.  They belong to the one who's grace is sufficient.  

As tears stream down my face I'm trying to listen to the spirit speak.  I glance over into the corner of the cafe.  I see a beautiful couple in their golden years bowing in prayer.  I cannot hear their prayer.  But I feel it.  It's a beautiful reminder of my mom and dad's prayers for me.  My grace place!  

I sense grace arms wrapping me in that moment.  My heart rejoices.  I realize my grace place becomes filled with his presence.  I try and wipe my tears.  But I think it's ok to cry.  Tears are refreshing.  

I'm learning that he never wastes our pain.  He uses it for his glory.  He still uses my moms heart of grace in me.  She reminded me without words how to offer grace to others.  Even when it seems impossible.  His grace is enough. I'm enough. 

First we have coffee.  Drinking in His grace.  

Thanks mom!!  

Grace, for someone else.

Grace takes it's place in our lives.  It's often we become grace to someone else.  I'm always surprised by that.

Surprised by grace. 

I think for most of my life I've doubted His grace. I really doubted that he would use my small offerings.  That he would choose me.  I'm soft and broken. I'm not always faithful.  I don't see beyond my small world.  I only think about my failures.  I fail and I think ive just ruined everything.  I doubt a lot.  

Fear gets a strangle hold on my heart.  I'm often crippled.  

I begin to see Jesus use my failure.  

I can't believe it.  It makes me love Him more.  

The last few months have been a beautiful constant surprise of grace. 

I've had more opportunities than ever before.  But I wonder did I get it right. Than He steps in and says. I've already  got it right for you.  I'm perfect so you don't have to be.  Our failures become his strength. 

I've had many holy moments.  Beautiful holy moments.  I've had the privilege to share my story.  Gods story.  The place where grace grows me.  My grace place.

Learning as I share life with broken women.  They grow me. Their lives intersect with mine.  We all are changed. It's all grace.  He begins to strengthen my home built by grace.  Moment by moment. Grace upon grace. 

My grace story deepens when I jump in the pit with someone.  Why God do you want me to jump in?   Fear grips my heart. But I know it's the right thing to do.  But I question him, "are you sure I'm the one."  I can think of a hundred better choices. 

The pit is ugly and deep. It seems far away from where God is. I wonder if He see us in this place.  I feel insignificant.  I pray a lot. I begin to think that I know less and less.  God strips away all of my devices that I try to use.  Than I feel his arms.  Grace shows up. 

My friend offers me wisdom.  She says what are three things you like about yourself?  Ummm I can't think of a one.  I wonder if I even like myself.  Why would I?  I see my failures and mistakes and my broken stuff.  I only see weakness instead of strength.   I fail to look at my worth.  I wonder if others struggle with that.  

I feel bad I can't answer her question.  She than answers for me.  She has a long list for me.  But I'm blind to that.  Than I realize God used her to remind me.  Grace takes it's place.  

While I'm in the pit with someone. I put my grace arms around them.  He gives me grace arms for the moment.  I begin to feel strong.  I feel their pain. It changes me.   I see grace in a new way.  I know he's in the pit with us.  His significance changes me.  I pray it changes them. 

We live life together.  We share our broken places.  We grow together.  Our hearts mingle. God smiles. I smile. We begin to heal.  We heal together.  Grace changes us. I'm glad he lets me be a part of their lives.   

When i reach out to them, I sense God is doing the work.  Im glad God has called me beyond my abilities.  I remember He doesn't call the equipped but he equips the called.   I experience grace.  Those holy moments change me.  

I'm reminded that when I'm weak I am strong.  He didn't give up on me.  I won't give up either.  

There is not a better place to live.  I'm so glad that I've been able to experience the rhythm of Gods grace.  

Marbles, marriage, and Gods grace !

It was in the early 60's,  I was playing on the playground behind a 2 room school house.  I remember the day well, because it was my birthday.  I was turning 7 years old.  It was a cool but sunny day in March.

A cute little boy walked up to me that morning. We had been playing marbles.   Everyone carried their drawstring bags filled with colorful marbles.  Those were proud moments as we challenged one another to marble games.

I looked up and this little boy stood holding his hand out.  He handed me 7 of his bright and shiny marbles.  Representing my turning 7 that day.  I noticed in his hand he only had 5 left.  He wished me a happy birthday.  

I remember taking the marbles and slipping then into my little drawstring bag. I think I was taken back, but my 7 year old marble loving self was happy to have a new friend.  

He gave me more than half of what he had. 

That afternoon I told my mom that a little boy on the playground had given me 7 marbles for my birthday.  I told her that he liked me,  In fact I said I think he's in love with me.  I thought my Mom was going to die on the spot.  All she could say was "oh my goodness it's already begun."  

I was 7. 

Yes it had begun, this little boy who shared his 7 marbles with me, would become my husband. 

He would pursue that little blonde haired girl for the next 12 years.  She finally said yes.  She wasn't so quick to see a future but he sure did.  He never stopped pursing her.  

He still pursues me today.

We have been married now 39 years.  I'm thankful for a man who never stops loving me.  

I think a lot about love that pursues.  

Altho we have had our share of struggles, mistakes, failures, arguments, pain and loss.  Love wins. Grace wins. 

I realize when I have no answers to the broken things in our lives.  God speaks and says "choose love."   Love always wins.  He conquers with a love that knows no boundaries.  

I'm still learning a lot today.  Altho I get it wrong many times.  Grace has become our landing place. 

I don't want to miss those holy moments.  

It's often messy and complicated.  Often answers don't come. Understanding is sometimes far away.  

But I've learned a few things along the way.  That is, when I choose grace mingled with love, we both win. 

Marbles brought us together.   Grace continues to do it's work.  While love covers the rest.  

July 31st 1976 

March 23rd 1964

A dream repurposed.

I remember when I first became a parent,  I was just 21 years old.  I wondered how life could get any better.  I was in love with the hopes and dreams of starting a family. Even though it was overwhelming at times I knew I was born for this.  Motherhood for me came fairly easy.

We would have 4 children in 13. 6 years.   We spread out our family.  I often wondered why we did that.   Quite often I thought I'd be raising kids into eternity.   It certainly wasn't as easy as it looked. 

But we were living in many ways the American dream.  Successful business, a beautiful home, a growing family.  I was grateful and blessed. 

God would continue to bless us as we watched our son Justin marry Stefanie and begin their journey together.   

Soon Jayden would bound into our lives like a little bulldozer.  He was full of smiles and energy.   

He would change our names to Ama and Bubba.   We loved our new title.  Life was wonderful and we relished in this little boy.  He changed our lives.

A few years later Jaydens little sister would capture our hearts.  Brooklyn's beautiful blonde curls and blue sparkly eyes would melt everyone in her presence.  The blessings seemed to overflow. 

But life changed dramatically as we watched the hopes and dreams that Justin and Stefanie had for their family come crashing down.   A diagnosis of Sanfiippo syndrome would puncture what we thought was a blessed life.  

Those were painful days as we all landed with our faces in the dirt.  We would literally bury Jayden and Brooklyn's future.  Sanfilippo syndrome a severe disorder offered a very short life.   The painful words that followed made little sense and were painful to process. 

This was not a part of my dreams for my family.  I had no place for this pain.  I would break beyond what I thought I could handle.

I wanted to rescue my kids and their pain.  Isn't that what parents do.  But I couldn't even navigate my own.  It was more than I could manage.  

No where in my simple dreams did I ever give room for pain or suffering especially when it came to my grandbabies.  

Where is that avenue to navigate?   I couldn't see one in front if me. 

My dad would pass away at this time as well.  It felt as though God was stripping me away.  My hero in the faith and favorite prayer warrior was gone.  Now at the most painful time of my life, the one I depended on was not there. 

I knew this burden was way too heavy for me to carry.   I sensed in that moment God repurposing my life.  I would begin to see Sanfilippo syndrome as a picture of grace.  It took time.  

The hand of God was evident as I watched Justin and Stefanie step out in faith and learn to navigate a very difficult path with special needs children. They inspired us as we struggled to make sense of this new journey.

Grace quickly became my place to bury my sadness and grow my faith.   Grace would iuminate meaning in a dark hallway.

God over time began to redeem my own pain.  He began to open up my heart to a new passion.  He's given me a deep love for broken people.  

But had Sanfilippo not entered my life. I would never have been able to do what God has called me to today.  Jayden and Brooklyn's diagnosis was the foundation to which God would show us how to give grace to others and help them see their own repurposed dreams. 

He is repurposing all of our pain  day by day as we walk along side of broken people. 

We stumble onto each other's paths. 

Sometimes we cry and bleed and laugh.   

He calls me beyond my capabilities to shine himself so others can see.  But he is the one who equips.  

It's often clumsy, messy and broken. But  

God in his plan has shown us his grace brick by brick.  Through the filter of Sanfilippo syndrome, I'm able to love beyond my imagination. 

He continues to remind me of the blessings of repurposed dreams.  It was his plan all along.  

Brooklyn. Our sweet bee!! With a smile that melts everyone in her presence.  

Jayden. At work. Our sweet beautiful boy!! 

The prayer I almost didn't pray!

I remember as a little girl growing up, hearing my parents praying.  I would often wake in the early morning to their prayers wafting in my room.  Many times I saw them on their knees.  They were prayer warriors.  I thought this was normal.

 I often wonder today if those prayers they prayed for me have been  somehow stored up for my life today. 

I can't say I carried on their prayer warrior habits so well.  

A few months ago I found myself saying a prayer tho that caught me by surprise.  I felt the sting of fear come over me.  I hesitated and wanted to think about all the ramifications first before I prayed. 

Maybe today wasn't the right day.  Maybe I should pray differently, not that prayer.  Prayers sometime scare me.   I fear the uncertain.  Although we've had plenty of uncertainty.

But I also wondered if maybe God might answer. And I knew I was ill equipped.   

My faith was weak and I knew it.  

I remember sitting in church that morning It wasn't clear to me of the significance of this prayer.  But as I prayed that morning, I prayed with new hope.  Maybe for the first time God said your ready.  

Because I know we're always being prepared for something new.  

Gods purposes prevail when the door of our heart swings wide open. 

I have seen God work in our lives in the last few years through the brokenness we'd experienced.   We would certainly say we'd received many blessings. But there were still many unanswered prayers.  I know there will always be unanswered prayers.

I have seen Gods grace.   Grace would show up in unexpected ways. Like in our 2 grandchildren Jayden and Brooklyn who have Sanfilippo syndrome.  God would remind me day after day that his grace resides in the broken. 

 I wanted to run to the broken. I wanted to experience grace. 

I would see grace in a scrabble tile.  He would take a small offering I had and increase it beyond my wildest dream.  That scrabble tile equaled $10,000.00 toward a beautiful home for Jayden and Brooklyn. 

Grace would again be apparent in a precious young woman who came and lived with us.  She came with a lot of pain and struggle.   I would be reminded again Gods grace is most recognized in our lives when we entertain the broken.  

Maybe sometimes we jump in the pit along side of them.  Because for some reason God had shown us the way out and we now knew the direction.  

God keeps reminding me that grace isn't  about us getting it right.  But it's more about our mess and brokenness that God takes and redeems to use in unexpected ways.

As I felt this prayer sweep over me,  It was a combination of things that led me to pray a new prayer.   

Bob Goff was speaking at our church.   I had just finished reading his book Love Does, it was perfect timing in my life.  I went believing that God was going to speak. 

My prayer was simple. Not complicated I just prayed "open my eyes Lord to the broken people around me.  Let me see them in a new way."  We had been surrounded by brokenness and we certainly had experienced our share.

I heard a whisper that said you need to hear peoples stories.  They need to hear your story.  They need to know that their stories matter.  

Sometimes God calls us to stumble onto each other's paths.   So that we can bleed with each other. 

I felt an affirmation that morning when Bob spoke that I hadn't ever felt before.  Sometimes we just need to be told that we can do it.  For me it was go love people who are broken like me. 

Bob also would remind us "you already know enough!  What's stopping you."

I had been sensing for sometime a restlessness in my spirit.  I had been wafting about with this prayer, but this day it changed for me.  

Thanks Bob for being the conduit to remind me to love differently.  That love does things. 

I'm glad God chose to unsettle me that morning.  I know now that it was the right time to pray that prayer. 

I had always believed the lie thinking  I would never know enough for God to use me.  Somehow I needed more knowledge.  That somehow perfection came into play.  And I knew I was far from that.  Perfection seeking completely crippled me. It kept me from doing things. 

No more perfection!  Just stumble onto one another's paths. Let God use our messes and imperfections and broken stuff.  

Pray the prayer that unsettles. You never know how God will change your life.  

 Like Bob says go love someone.  You know enough.   It may change your life.  It did mine.  Amen.  

Finding grace in two broken Walmart bags!

I literally am wondering how to put my thoughts together today.  I wonder if there are words that make sense to what God has been teaching me.

I'm so amazed at this journey that I'm somewhat speechless.

A few short months ago, an amazing young woman found refuge in our home.  She was broken in more than a few pieces.  She had just come through detox and needed a place to stay for a while.

When we picked her up all she had with her were 2 torn Walmart bags.  We quickly realized more than anything, she needed a big dose of love and hope! 

How is it that she would soon become a precious gift to us.  I've never thought that a beautiful gift could come in a broken package, but this time it did.

We learned about Chelsea through a dear friend.  I can't thank you enough Dave for sending her to us.  I know it had to be God ordained.  Chelsea would move in with us and we would grow to love her like a daughter.

We would spend hours sharing our stories.  She would open up about the brokenness she experienced.  We would share our pain with her.  We would have many late night talks.  

Sometimes laughing hysterically into the wee hours was like good medicine  Those late night talks would be fuel I had hoped, for her to begin to live again.  To live whole and free of her pain.

In a short amount of time she became one of our family.  As much as we think we might have helped her, she helped us.  I learned a lot from Chelsea.  That the bottom is very deep and to help her climb out would take a village.  Our family and friends united.  We were a force to be reckoned with. 

I would again believe that God was really big and he was up to something bigger than us. 

I knew very little about the pain and addictions she struggled with.  But God didn't care.  He said "I'm with you. I'm Immanuel." God with us!  I learned it doesn't matter what we know. It's that we cared that mattered. 

God would show me again that he would use our pain.  It was through the heart break of Jayden and Brooklyns diagnosis of Sanfilippo syndrome that fueled an open heart of love for Chelsea and to help her land in the midst of hope. 

 She changed me in so many ways.  I wouldn't exchange the last few months for anything. My heart is bigger now because of Chelsea !

She taught me without words about Gods grace.  I saw it in her.  I know God uses hard things to get our attention.  Where I used to run away from them.  I'm now learning to run toward them.  It's when we run forward, grace shows up. 

I knew that all I could do was be myself and to listen a lot.  God would slowly remind me again that he doesn't call the equipped but he equips the called.

I realized I didn't need all the answers because I certainly didn't have any.

A lot of love and hope mingled with faith became my mantra!   Sending up prayers  was like breathing!   

It seemed every step we took with Chelsea we would hear a voice behind us saying this is the way walk in it. 

I'm thankful for this course that Chelsea took us on.  I've learned a ton.  I'm extremely grateful for the lessons.  She came with two broken Walmart bags but she left us with her bag full of hope and a future and now an entire extra family. 

Chelsea has gifts galore to share with the world.  I can't wait to see what God has in store for her.  I know that she will share her story some day to help change lives.  I'm glad we could be one chapter in her book. 

Rock on Chelsea!  You are amazing!  You are going to thrive again.  You will soar!  Thanks for changing my life.  

We were the lucky ones.  I knew the minute we heard about your story we were ready to say yes to the call.  You and your two broken walmart bags taught me more than you'll know. 

I'm always amazed when God shows us grace and even more when grace shows up in 2 torn bags.  You wrecked us for good Chelsea! 

We have now exchanged those 2 torn bags for a piece of luggage. 

She's now on her next lap of her journey. She's now in the heart of Florida palm trees and sunshine learning how to overcome some obstacles and she will.  

So thankful for Chelsea's parents for sharing her with us.  For stepping back a few steps so we could enter her life. Allowing God to do the work that only He could do. 

She will thrive!  We are all in this with her.  Because He is Immanuel - God with us! 

We love you Chelsea!  You have two extra tag along parents now.  Sorry.  Deal with it!!

 Jeremiah 29:11-12 

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.

Just take steps

 I usually wake up in the morning to a to-do list of sorts.  Its not an actual written down kind of a list.

But today I ignore that list and I ask God to give me His list.   Just maybe He has something to say that i need to hear. I think I need to listen more and speak less. 

My mind always wants to race to the finish line,  but not today.  I need to settle my heart.  I seek a stillness that mostly eludes me.  

My mind takes me back a few years, shortly before my dad passed away.  

My dad was a sweet humble man.  As he got a little older and as he mellowed, his heart was pure golden as was his age.  

I remember as he entered into his 80's,  he was still serving in the church in a variety of ways.   

I have this sweet picture of him quietly walking down the church hallway with a limp in his step but a huge sized heart.  

He was always looking to serve in some small way, but realizing there were many things he could no longer do.  But he was still taking steps.  

He loved listening to the young childrens memory verses as they were eager to share with him.  

I see him sitting along side them with a gleam in his eye and joy in his heart.  I know that brought him purpose, much more than I knew at the time.  

That memory doesn't go away for me.  It makes my heart smile.  He was secretly incredible.  Everything about him rang forth, humble servant.  

He would continue to ask me if there were any handy man jobs for him to do at my house.  Are you kidding me?  Of course, need you ask.  He would show up with his tool box and get to work.  It gave him pleasure to serve.

He just took steps. 

Even though his body was slowing him down his heart shouted, keep on serving.  

This memory continues to stir my own thoughts about the courage to serve. 

Altho he never knew it, he instilled in me a servant heart by just taking steps.  

Steps of faith, steps of love, steps of humility, steps of courage.  Brave steps!   Those are not easy to do at times. 

I had an incredible example.

I think that taught me, the more I take those steps and think about others needs the less I worry about my own self worth.  My own agenda is less important.  

God hones in on my to-do list and crumples it up sometimes.  His purpose prevails.  So mine increases as well.  

I find, like my dad that serving with, to and around people is what brings joy.  So that list I mentioned gets put away for another day.  I know those things will get done eventually.

So I turn to The One who will instead unsettle me in a fresh way.   My servant heart begins to grow. 

Finding every new step is a step of faith.  Even when we have no idea what that next step looks like.  I hear a voice behind me that says.......

Be courageous and just take steps! 

Our faith is stretched and those steps become clear.   That He is right there taking them with us. 

Thanks dad for your reminder to me.  Steps you took with me, for me and for those you loved.  You taught me well!  I'm a blessed girl! 

Isaiah 30:21

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”

Matthew 20:26

Not so with you. Instead whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant. 

Psalm 4:3 

Know that The Lord has set apart his faithful servant for himself, The Lord hears when I call to him. 

    

What are you looking for?

I was just minding my own business when out of the blue my husband stood behind me interrupting my thoughts.

"Look what I found" he chided, dangling in front of my eyes, a bracelet, not just a bracelet though a diamond bracelet.  A diamond bracelet that i had lost about a year or more ago.

 I remembered the day I lost it.  I had glanced down at my wrist horrified at the realization that it was gone.  I began searching every nook and cranny I could think of.  Then I realized, I had been gone some of the day enjoying some retail therapy (but that's for another day kind of confessional).  

Who knows where i lost it. Seriously I couldn't believe it! 

My heart sunk down into the abyss.  I tried hard to forget about it.  But instead my thoughts wouldn't leave me alone.    All I could feel now was sick to my stomach.  

I even wondered about the person who found it and wondered how they felt with my bracelet on their wrist.  I wanted them to get sick or get the plague or something.  I wanted them to feel bad and be nauseous and not sleep at night like me.  

My vengeful self had seeped to the surface. 

I stood in disbelief for a few minutes.  Was he really holding the same bracelet I had lost.  Could it be?  Like, did he tackle someone who had the same bracelet as I.  Because I know that he would!  I know that he would!!

My thoughts began to spin in my head.  Oops I hoped he hadn't hurt anyone.  Oh no, now I feel really bad.  But he promised he hadn't. 

He finally admitted that he had found it in my car under the seat.  It had been there well over a year or more.  Some how in my searching I never thought to look there.

I guess it really wasn't lost at all.  No one had found it and no one had lbeen wearing it.  I just didn't see it.  

The funny thing is, it had been there all the time.  All those months of anxiety and searching.  It was really in a safe place. 

Now I needed to back pedal and apologize to that made up person I was blaming.  

 I think that about God sometimes.  I wonder where He is.  I don't see him or hear him speak.  He seems silent.  Some how it feels as if He's hiding. 

 It's like He's under the car seat just waiting for me to look there.

I can't say I always understand Gods timing or His purpose in our lives.  But He reminds me again that He's residing right here.  He never gives up or hides himself from us. 

Sometimes though we have to open our eyes and look.  Thats all He's asking.  Look and see and you will find me when you do. 

Ken wasn't looking for my bracelet when he found it.  He was actually looking for his key remote.  

Isn't that how God works!  

We find ourselves looking for something else and we find Jesus.  Isn't that the amazing thing about grace.  Grace is always there.  

Grace resides in His presence. 

Bring me there.  Grace is always available!  

1 Chronicles 16:11

11 Search for the Lord and for his strength;
    continually seek him.

Matthew 7:8

 For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.

Maybe what I'm learning is........

If we look for good, we'll find goodness.  If we look for hope we become hopeful.  If we look for joy we become joyful and if we look for grace we find Jesus.

So the next time you lose something, I pray you find abundantly more than you could ever ask or think! 

2 Corinthians 9:8

And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. 

Sweet grace notes!

Today I sit quietly in front of my fireplace   I put my feet on the coffee table and I take a deep breath.  I sigh!  At this moment I feel a sense of peace.

Trust me it's not always that easy.  But today I sense Gods presence and I hear a murmur of sorts that says "Good morning, my name is Grace. "

I sink back in my chair and my mind wanders back about 5 years. It was a difficult and painful time.  I struggled with Gods grace, I wondered where God was and if he was even good. Nothing made sense, especially grace. What did that mean?

Our lives took on new perspective.   God would set us on a different path.  Maybe a road less traveled.  Our two oldest grandchildren were diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder called Sanfilippo syndrome. Those words were terrifying to hear and terribly painful.

I realize now that grace shows up in the dark places and it keeps showing up.  I've learned now to look for God in the hard and painful.  He resides there.  I am so glad. 

We know that Jayden and Brooklyn will only live into their early teens and in between now and then they will slowly lose all their abilities.   Hard to watch, yes!  Painful, for sure! 

In the meantime, Gods army of love, and grace begins its work.   Grace continues to spill over in our lives.   His plan is way bigger than our pain. 

I see his grace show up in Brooklyn's beautiful songs.  Her words are less clear but her voice is precious and her notes are sweet. They are my grace notes.  Brooklyn shows me a glimpse of Gods grace.  

God lovingly and in his timing strips away all our pretenses and silly masks we wear.   He says now you're free.  Live in that freedom.   He says my story of grace is for your freedom.  Wear that instead.  

I used to think it was my goodness and purity that God desired.  But that's not it.   Maybe He's asking us to participate.  He says you can show up, as you are.  I'll provide everything you need.   My purpose will find it's place in you.  

I've learned that God doesn't call the equipped but he equips the called.   I never feel equipped.  God's ways are not our ways and his ways are higher than ours. 

This past Christmas, God placed a very broken young woman in our path.  We knew for us, that this was a road less traveled but we were willing to travel it.  

He plucked her from a very dark and difficult place.  She had become unraveled and was in great pain, struggling to make sense of life. 

 He placed her in the heart of our family.  Mix in an average amount of chaos, lots and lots of love, add a large dose of Christmas.  Enter at your own risk, into our grace story.  

I questioned Gods direction. I wondered what God was up to.  Haven't we had enough pain and sadness for now.  Isn't Sanfiippo enough for us?  

But I was able to recognize God's grace in her.   He was demonstrating to us what grace looked like again.  We've seen it before.   God shows up in the broken and then He reminds us,

"My grace is sufficient for you."

He invites us to participate and He promises strength.  He reminds me again I will use your pain.

I stumbled onto this verse in Proverbs 14:4  "Without oxen a stable stays clean, but you need a strong ox for a large harvest."

I don't always understand His direction, but he asks us at times to allow our stables to get dirty.  I know, I like a clean stable too.  Messy doesn't equal easy.  Let's face it.  We don't always want to get dirty.   

Maybe it's in the messy and broken where the harvest begins.  Just maybe that's where blessing and grace collide. 

God plants the broken in our midst to remind us of his bountiful harvest.  Even when we think we're not enough or equipped or ready or not wanting a dirty stable.  He says there is a harvest waiting.  

Maybe God just wants to remind us that.......

His name is Grace! 

He uses our pain!

He promises strength! 

And He's bringing the harvest!

And a little girl named Brooklyn will remind you too......cuz when she sings, you hear a glimpse of grace and that is for me, sweet grace notes! 

Psalm 65:11
You crown the year with a bountiful harvest, even the hard pathways overflow with
abundance.