What are you looking for?

I was just minding my own business when out of the blue my husband stood behind me interrupting my thoughts.

"Look what I found" he chided, dangling in front of my eyes, a bracelet, not just a bracelet though a diamond bracelet.  A diamond bracelet that i had lost about a year or more ago.

 I remembered the day I lost it.  I had glanced down at my wrist horrified at the realization that it was gone.  I began searching every nook and cranny I could think of.  Then I realized, I had been gone some of the day enjoying some retail therapy (but that's for another day kind of confessional).  

Who knows where i lost it. Seriously I couldn't believe it! 

My heart sunk down into the abyss.  I tried hard to forget about it.  But instead my thoughts wouldn't leave me alone.    All I could feel now was sick to my stomach.  

I even wondered about the person who found it and wondered how they felt with my bracelet on their wrist.  I wanted them to get sick or get the plague or something.  I wanted them to feel bad and be nauseous and not sleep at night like me.  

My vengeful self had seeped to the surface. 

I stood in disbelief for a few minutes.  Was he really holding the same bracelet I had lost.  Could it be?  Like, did he tackle someone who had the same bracelet as I.  Because I know that he would!  I know that he would!!

My thoughts began to spin in my head.  Oops I hoped he hadn't hurt anyone.  Oh no, now I feel really bad.  But he promised he hadn't. 

He finally admitted that he had found it in my car under the seat.  It had been there well over a year or more.  Some how in my searching I never thought to look there.

I guess it really wasn't lost at all.  No one had found it and no one had lbeen wearing it.  I just didn't see it.  

The funny thing is, it had been there all the time.  All those months of anxiety and searching.  It was really in a safe place. 

Now I needed to back pedal and apologize to that made up person I was blaming.  

 I think that about God sometimes.  I wonder where He is.  I don't see him or hear him speak.  He seems silent.  Some how it feels as if He's hiding. 

 It's like He's under the car seat just waiting for me to look there.

I can't say I always understand Gods timing or His purpose in our lives.  But He reminds me again that He's residing right here.  He never gives up or hides himself from us. 

Sometimes though we have to open our eyes and look.  Thats all He's asking.  Look and see and you will find me when you do. 

Ken wasn't looking for my bracelet when he found it.  He was actually looking for his key remote.  

Isn't that how God works!  

We find ourselves looking for something else and we find Jesus.  Isn't that the amazing thing about grace.  Grace is always there.  

Grace resides in His presence. 

Bring me there.  Grace is always available!  

1 Chronicles 16:11

11 Search for the Lord and for his strength;
    continually seek him.

Matthew 7:8

 For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.

Maybe what I'm learning is........

If we look for good, we'll find goodness.  If we look for hope we become hopeful.  If we look for joy we become joyful and if we look for grace we find Jesus.

So the next time you lose something, I pray you find abundantly more than you could ever ask or think! 

2 Corinthians 9:8

And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. 

Sweet grace notes!

Today I sit quietly in front of my fireplace   I put my feet on the coffee table and I take a deep breath.  I sigh!  At this moment I feel a sense of peace.

Trust me it's not always that easy.  But today I sense Gods presence and I hear a murmur of sorts that says "Good morning, my name is Grace. "

I sink back in my chair and my mind wanders back about 5 years. It was a difficult and painful time.  I struggled with Gods grace, I wondered where God was and if he was even good. Nothing made sense, especially grace. What did that mean?

Our lives took on new perspective.   God would set us on a different path.  Maybe a road less traveled.  Our two oldest grandchildren were diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder called Sanfilippo syndrome. Those words were terrifying to hear and terribly painful.

I realize now that grace shows up in the dark places and it keeps showing up.  I've learned now to look for God in the hard and painful.  He resides there.  I am so glad. 

We know that Jayden and Brooklyn will only live into their early teens and in between now and then they will slowly lose all their abilities.   Hard to watch, yes!  Painful, for sure! 

In the meantime, Gods army of love, and grace begins its work.   Grace continues to spill over in our lives.   His plan is way bigger than our pain. 

I see his grace show up in Brooklyn's beautiful songs.  Her words are less clear but her voice is precious and her notes are sweet. They are my grace notes.  Brooklyn shows me a glimpse of Gods grace.  

God lovingly and in his timing strips away all our pretenses and silly masks we wear.   He says now you're free.  Live in that freedom.   He says my story of grace is for your freedom.  Wear that instead.  

I used to think it was my goodness and purity that God desired.  But that's not it.   Maybe He's asking us to participate.  He says you can show up, as you are.  I'll provide everything you need.   My purpose will find it's place in you.  

I've learned that God doesn't call the equipped but he equips the called.   I never feel equipped.  God's ways are not our ways and his ways are higher than ours. 

This past Christmas, God placed a very broken young woman in our path.  We knew for us, that this was a road less traveled but we were willing to travel it.  

He plucked her from a very dark and difficult place.  She had become unraveled and was in great pain, struggling to make sense of life. 

 He placed her in the heart of our family.  Mix in an average amount of chaos, lots and lots of love, add a large dose of Christmas.  Enter at your own risk, into our grace story.  

I questioned Gods direction. I wondered what God was up to.  Haven't we had enough pain and sadness for now.  Isn't Sanfiippo enough for us?  

But I was able to recognize God's grace in her.   He was demonstrating to us what grace looked like again.  We've seen it before.   God shows up in the broken and then He reminds us,

"My grace is sufficient for you."

He invites us to participate and He promises strength.  He reminds me again I will use your pain.

I stumbled onto this verse in Proverbs 14:4  "Without oxen a stable stays clean, but you need a strong ox for a large harvest."

I don't always understand His direction, but he asks us at times to allow our stables to get dirty.  I know, I like a clean stable too.  Messy doesn't equal easy.  Let's face it.  We don't always want to get dirty.   

Maybe it's in the messy and broken where the harvest begins.  Just maybe that's where blessing and grace collide. 

God plants the broken in our midst to remind us of his bountiful harvest.  Even when we think we're not enough or equipped or ready or not wanting a dirty stable.  He says there is a harvest waiting.  

Maybe God just wants to remind us that.......

His name is Grace! 

He uses our pain!

He promises strength! 

And He's bringing the harvest!

And a little girl named Brooklyn will remind you too......cuz when she sings, you hear a glimpse of grace and that is for me, sweet grace notes! 

Psalm 65:11
You crown the year with a bountiful harvest, even the hard pathways overflow with
abundance.

Kissing baby Jesus!

My granddaughter Ellie stood fascinated in front of the nativity.  She was busy rearranging each piece in a not so orderly way.

As she was playing with the nativity figures she told me that baby Jesus was crying.  I figured that would be very possible watching the way she manhandled him. 

I was wondering if he had broke his arm or leg or maybe neck.  Poor baby Jesus.   His nurturing mother was no where to be found either.  She was probably under the couch or somewhere hiding from Ellie's not so gentle embrace.  Could you blame her!  But Ellie meant well.  

You could see Ellie was enjoying her encounter with the baby Jesus.  She was playfully absorbed in the little manger and those  swaddling clothes.   I wondered what she thought of baby Jesus lying in such an uncommon and not so comfortable bed.  

I remember as a child I too loved playing with our nativity.   I would find it in it's usual place under our Christmas tree.  Probably put there away from sticky little fingers. 

The pieces tho would become chipped, broken and scarred over the years.  Because of our not so gentle ways, a few arms, legs and crowns had to be carefully reglued.  

I loved playing pretend with them.  I would lay under the tree imagining what it was like for Mary to have been chosen to be the mother of Jesus.  She was always beautiful and poised, bowing in adoration.  At least the one I played with under the tree was. 

In my little girl mind I would begin to picture the mom I would someday be.  Imagining I could be a mother like Mary, so beautiful, brave and courageous and always bowing.  Ok not the bowing part!  

I would hear my heart say that I too love the sweet baby in the manger.   I'm sure I didn't understand that this Christmas baby was our savior.   How could a baby be the savior of the world? 

Early on I would remember hearing the words and "she pondered these things in her heart."   Mary, she had much to ponder.   Over the years I would hear those words echoing in my heart.  It's in those moments where I regroup and listen to the stirrings of my soul.  I realized it's good to ponder sometimes! 

Those elegant, broken, chipped figures from the nativity taught me a lot.  They allowed me to imagine a story that would unfold through the pages of scripture. 

 Each Christmas we would read this familiar story over and over again.   Thankfully we never tired of It.  

As I pay attention to the simple truths, the simple words and simple thoughts of faith.   They remind me to be thankful for the simple memories, even the broken, chipped and imperfect ones. 

Memories of a baby who lovingly came wrapped in mercy and grace.  The miracle of Christmas right under the tree, beautifully wrapped for us in love, in swaddling clothes.  The hidden gift that doesn't stay hidden.  The miracle of his birth brings new hope. 

It comes in the impossibilities, in the broken places and in the pain.  When we welcome the broken, chipped and reglued, we welcome Him. 

Advent is about seeing those places and drawing us to them with eyes and hearts wide open.  Knowing he is coming.   He comes in the simple uncommon places through uncommon moments.  He shows up in places we never think to look.  

The morning that Ellie told me baby Jesus was crying, I asked her what we should do. She said we should kiss him. She held him close to her face and with gentle hands kissed baby Jesus. 

So did I!  

May we all kiss baby Jesus and welcome him into our uncommon moments and in the places we least expect him to be.  He is ready to do the impossible in our broken and imperfect lives.  

He invites us "as is!!"   We don't have to clean up first.  That's the miracle of grace and love.  The real miracle of Christmas! 

 I didn't tell Ellie, but He loves the gentle and even the not so gentle embrace of a child.  It's ok if the pieces get chipped and broken or crowns need regluing.  That's why He came.   

He came for us.  The broken, scarred, dirty, chipped, reglued people.  Humbly he came. Reminding us to give away what he gave so graciously. 

Whether you find your nativity pieces under the couch, under the tree, lying down, standing up, broken, chipped, dirty, scarred or reglued.  Whether the halos are tilted or missing.  Let it remind you that he came for you, as is.  You who are greatly loved, so you can love greatly! 

May we be ready for the unexpected with an expectant heart.  May we encounter the swaddled baby in new and fresh ways today with childlike faith.  

Welcome baby Jesus!  Here's a kiss! 

Right behind our eyes!

We all just want to be noticed!

I remember when I was a little girl, the delight I felt when someone noticed my new swirly dress or my shiny new Mary Janes.  I would beam and swirl and twirl.  My heart was simple then and pure. 

I see my granddaughters swirling to be noticed now.  Beaming pure heaven from their little faces.  A sweet reminder of myself.  How we all desire to be seen, to be noticed,

to be accepted and loved.  

My dad was wonderful about noticing me.  He would tell me often that I was special.  His words would fill my heart and I thought I could do anything that I put my mind to.  I think I was blessed!  

He would tell me that Jesus had something special for my life.  At age 8, I remember wondering what that was.  What might Jesus want for me.  

I tell my sweet granddaughters that they are good at twirling and swirling. That Jesus has something special for them. Their eyes glow! 

As an adult being noticed by others continued to be important to me, I wondered if I mattered to those around me.  Whether it was for my abilities, a job well done or just a kind word or smile.  We all long for approval and affirmation.  

I would look for people to speak into my life.  I would yearn for words from others to encourage my soul.  But I would get stuck in the worry about what people thought of me.  

I think we put too much weight and thought where it is not necessary.  I would continue to wonder what Jesus wanted for me. 

I hoped that maybe I mattered.  I sometimes wondered if that was a normal thought.  I think I've been looking for that most of my life.  It was how I functioned. 

I know we all just want to be seen, to know that we matter to someone. 

My soul swells when I receive a smile from someone in that occasional moment when I am feeling lousy and distant.  I would breathe in words, I was noticed!  

Those moments capture my attention, and I feel good, and blessed and my heart enlarges.  I want to notice them back and smile genuinely.  

We've all been in places where we've stood unnoticed. We felt invisible.  Someone cuts in front of us in line or we walk into a room where we never felt more alone.  

You wonder to yourself what, am I invisible? Maybe feeling over looked for a specific job or opportunity.  Those hollow moments leave us absorbed in self pity. 

So begins the stumbling down that slick, icy slope and at the bottom finding our souls empty.  Guts and feelings dripping out like melted ice. 

Whispering to myself that I am once again "not enough."  Wondering if God even noticed me.  I would ponder the thought that I guess I'm a failure again.  

I think we listen to lies way too much.  We hear the damaging whispers that shout louder and louder that soon drowns out the truth. 

I've wasted too much time listening to those lies.

I do think that God takes our failures and the times we feel unnoticed and speaks over them. Maybe He even shouts above our failures because that's how love works. 

I know he redeems and in time gives those places meaning.  That's Gods heart of redemption.  His redeeming love.

But it doesn't happen right away. It takes time to listen in and grow.  I'm so glad He never stops listening to our hearts cry.  Even in the silence and the questions, He redeems. 

This is what I'm learning.  It's not how others make us feel that matters but rather how we make others feel.  

Noticing others in a new way might be a gift to someone.  But We receive the blessing.  Making others feel special. 

Noticing the broken, the unnoticed and the weary, the poor and sad.  I think that's what Jesus does through our eyes! 

You never know what that might do for someone's soul.  Maybe you will help enlarge someone's heart. Maybe Jesus will be seen. 

Help us Lord to be the ones who see, who notice!  Jesus wants us to tell the world that they matter to Him.  

My prayer is to see with new eyes!  Maybe it's through our eyes, God looks to see others.  Maybe that's where he resides, right behind our eyes!  

1 Samuel 12:16 

Now then, stand still and see this great thing The Lord is about to do before your eyes! 

1Thessalonians 1:4 

For we know, brothers loved by God, that he has chosen you. 

Genesis 16:13

She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me.”

Chasing sunsets!

I love to chase sunsets.  I realize it's not possible to chase sunsets really!!  But I have this desire to capture and enjoy sunsets especially with my camera.   I never tire of experiencing another sunset.

The sunsets that I most love are the ones that reflect over a lake. It's something about the sun light that casts a magnificent reflection on the water that sets my heart in motion.  My heart enlarges and i find a place in my spirit to worship God.  I want to lift my hands in praise!  Sometimes it's just a gaze.  But I'm always in awe!  Always in awe!

I often chase against the clock to get to a lake to capture the sun as it sets.  You can't be late.  You can't procrastinate.  You just have to be there and be ready if you want to experience a lake sunset.  

I love that when I get up in the morning, I know the sun will set that day.  It is a promise that he's been faithful again today.   And I know that when I go to bed the sun will again rise the next morning.  That's a promise.  

I sense His presence in the sunsets. The Lord of Lords reached out his mighty hand and directed the sky to light up the evening for our enjoyment.  

He calls my name in those moments and reminds me that he is holding my world in his hands. 

I see his creativity as a gift.  He proves his majestiy every morning and every night. He reminds me that this display is for our viewing pleasure.   

I learn to trust again as my spirit says he must really love me.  He must really love us.

 He established a work of art with just the touch of his hand.  He paints a canvas of love and grace and then invites us to a front row seat. The best seat in the house. 

 So when I'm challenged to ask God where he is.  And when my doubts take over and my thoughts play havoc with my mind.  I gaze into his workmanship.  I chase another sunset!  He promises and sends his comforter to minister to the brokenness in me. 

From our glorious God to his blessed children, thank you for a beautiful and creative reminder that you are worthy of our praise.  And you allowed me to be worthy of another sunset. 

His word expresses it better than I. 

Psalm 19:1 

 The heavens proclaim the glory of God. The skies display his craftsmanship.

Psalm 50:1

The Lord, the Mighty One, is God, and he has spoken; he has summoned all humanity from where the sun rises to where it sets.




Psalm 65:8

Those who live at the ends of the earth stand in awe of your wonders. From where the sunrises to where it sets, you inspire shouts of joy. 

Psalm 84:11

For the Lord God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory. The Lord will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right.

Psalm 104:19

You made the moon to mark the seasons, and the sun knows when to set. 

Amen!!

My sweets!!!