What is she doing here?

I remember hearing those words....."What is she doing here?"

 I was in the 7th grade and those words were directed at me.  My friend had asked me and another friend to come help her be a teachers aid during our lunch.  As our teacher approached us he had an unhappy look on his face.  That's when those words spilled out of his mouth "what is she doing here" and my heart sank.  I knew in that moment I wasn't accepted.  I was rejected.  

That was a hard moment for a shy, awkward 7th grader.  I was a typical 12 year old girl looking for acceptance.

 I would rehearse those words over and over.  I would hear them echoing in the hallways of my heart for many years. They would adhere like glue to my soul ....!   I couldn't remove those words, they would linger in my mind.  They would hang dangling like moss on a tree.   Chanting "you aren't enough!"   "What are you doing here?"

 Negative words can have a crippling affect on us.   What a reminder that words do make a difference.   They give us value or take it away.  They do tremendous damage and can leave us feeling insignificant.

 There are many moments I wish I could put in reverse, the words I've used.  There are really no second chances once the words have tumbled out, it's done.  I'm still learning, but I want to use words that will bring healing, that will encourage, that will uplift, that will inspire and give life.  That's what God's word does in our lives and in our hearts.

He resurrects the pain, but then covers it with a gentle healing balm.  He uses those negative places in our lives to grow us deeper into the heart of God.  We can only grow from the place of hurt and pain when we allow God to use it for His glory.

He is purposeful in our lives when we allow Him to freely search our souls.   I know now what I'm doing here.  God has purpose and intention.  I'm thankful today for those words, although painful then, they are a wonderful reminder to me of the mighty hand of God in my life.

The desire I have today is to use words differently, to build, to restore, to refresh, to bring value, hope and inspiration.  Words.....are powerful.   My prayer is that God would continue to use my words to glorify Himself through blogging and the searching of my soul.   Praise God for  "out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks."  The abundance of words!  They are sweeter than honey in a honey comb!

Psalm 19:4
May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart
    be pleasing in your sight,
    Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.

Psalm 119:103   

How sweet are your words to my tastes sweeter than honey to my mouth!

Proverbs 16:24 

Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

The table of grace!

Sometimes I find God calling me to the table of Grace.  There is something in me that is always looking for the grace place.  When I was a little girl, my family would eat dinner together every evening around the 5:00 hour.  This was in the 60's and I would imagine most families in my neighborhood were clamoring around their dinner table as well.   We would often say our memorized prayer all together as a family.  "God is great God is good let us thank him for this food.  Amen."  It became a common prayer, that quite honestly lost most of it's meaning I suppose.  But I learned at a young age that the table was the place of grace.  That table of grace would eventually take on new meaning.   Somehow grace became more than just a short prayer that we prayed before dinner.  The table of grace is where I long to dine at now.  This table may be messy and often kind of sticky, but a welcome place.   It occasionally becomes complicated and cluttered.  As my faith  grows my table of grace grows as well.  It's in the heart that I notice grace changing me.  I long to sit and linger there to savor every moment.   It looks different now than it did in the 60's.  But I love this table.  I know it is often hard to understand this grace place.   Sometimes we understand it through painful moments.  Moments that God allows in our lives for His purposes.  Our hearts break at times at this table,  It breaks for those things that make no sense from a simple understanding.  Thankfully God uses this place to teach us, to change us and allows us to grow, so that we can offer this grace to others.  He serves us a banquet of grace.   We can be assured that there will be more served where there's more grace required and it's always enough.  It's at this table we're all equal.   We can all come to the table with what and who we are.   All of our tables look different and are uniquely designed to serve us right where we are.  I leave full, but long for more grace filled appointments, more cups of grace.  I know there will be many more!  Praise God, for His grace table is sufficient.  More grace please!

2 Corinthians 12:9

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

     2 Corinthians 4:15

All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.

Romans 5:2

through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. 

                                               

Blessings from a grateful place!

I am blessed to have celebrated another year. I'm learning its not about the age or about the # on the scale. Its more about the focus of my heart. its a learning process....maybe it begins with a grateful heart. Choosing to look beyond my failures to see the joy and gifts that God gives. i stumble a lot and often lose my purpose. I often second guess my abilities. But i find that God is always waiting to show me treasures in the dark times, secret riches stored for me. They are life altering and God breathed. That is what keeps me grounded. its in the painful times that we are deepened, it is there that we are invited to the table of grace! It's where we can stay till we are full! There's more than enough..... The blessings from a grateful place!

Confident and Connected!

Have you ever lost your confidence?  It happens often in life.  Our confidence gets trampled at times.  It was a few days ago, I left my phone in the bathroom stall at Target.  I completely forgot about it and I began to do my shopping.  As I was shopping, I remembered I needed to text my daughter to ask her a question.  So I began to look for my phone in my purse.   It was then that I remembered that I had left my phone in the bathroom.  Is it just me that does these things?  It was a big ugh.....my heart sank.  What do I do now?  I quickly ran back to the bathroom.  It wasn't there.  Oh no.....did someone really steal my phone?   I then ran to the front desk and asked if anyone had turned in a hot pink phone.  She looked around but she found nothing.  Now I didn't know what to do.  I began to lose my confidence....I couldn't remember any phone numbers.  How would I get a hold of anyone?  I was disconnected.  Well, in the mean time while I am ready to cry and wondering what to do.  I begin to wander around the front of the store.  Basically I'm pacing.  I soon look up and see a young woman I recognized, Maureen.  As I greeted her, I realized she was holding my phone.  I asked her if she had found my phone, but she said no that a woman had called her from my phone and said she found this phone and her number was the last number that was called on it.  Yes, Maureen was the last call I had made.  So Maureen sweetly came to Target to get my phone from the woman who found it in the bathroom, to give to me.  I was so surprised at the kindness of strangers and from sweet Maureen.  As I said, my confidence was shaken and I felt for a few minutes a huge disconnect.  In the mean time though Maureen had called my daughter in law, who called my son, and he called my husband, who then called my friend Debbie, who I was going to have lunch with that afternoon.  So by the time I got my phone back, everyone already knew.  Talk about being connected.  I'm thankful for the connectedness we have with each other and the confidence we have in our technology.  As I was thinking about how we need our phones to stay connected, we also need the word to stay connected to God.   I need to open the word and allow God to speak and connect my heart to His.  He does that when I take the time to read and study His word.  Our church has been doing a series called "40 days in the word."   I have loved being refreshed through this devotional method of studying God's word.  What a wonderful series.  I am so encouraged and blessed to have the word to study and stay connected to God.  Finding our connectedness to Christ through the studying of the word is exactly what we need to find our confidence in Him.

Philippians 1:6

being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

I will rejoice!

Habakkuk 3:17-19

Though the fig tree does not bud
    and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
    and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
    and no cattle in the stalls,
 yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
    I will be joyful in God my Savior.

 The Sovereign Lord is my strength;
    he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
    he enables me to tread on the heights.

Trees of the field will clap their hands!

Psalm 96:12

Let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them; let all the trees of the forest sing for joy!

 Ezekiel 31:4
The waters nourished it, deep springs made it grow tall; their streams flowed all around its base and sent their channels to all the trees of the field.

 Isaiah 44:4

They will spring up like grass in a meadow, like poplar trees by flowing streams.

 Isaiah 44:23

Sing for joy, you heavens, for the Lord has done this; shout aloud, you earth beneath. Burst into song, you mountains, you forests and all your trees, for the Lord has redeemed Jacob, he displays his glory in Israel.

Don't compare!

I love this quote.....!  I found this quote on Pinterest.   "Don't compare your chapter 1 to someone else's chapter 20."   Maybe women more than men do the comparison game.  I'm not sure.  I was good at playing that game all too well.   We compare our successes, our failures, our talents, our strengths, our pain, our joys, our gifts, our children, our homes, our cars, our abilities, our jobs, our education, our obedience, the list goes on.   Why is it we always want to compare our inner places of the heart to someone else's outward performances.   It's so easy to do.  The comparison trap will most of the time send us into a tail spin.  One that spins and spins out of control. Comparison has a crippling effect on our souls.  It's never a fair game.  Mostly it causes us to lose perspective.   Thankfully Jesus doesn't look down at us through the comparison lens.  He sees us in the light of how he uniquely designed us.   He sees us through the lens of perfect love.   He sees our value.   He shouts down that we matter to Him.   When we can begin to take hold of the truth of how God sees us we can change the comparison game.   Our perspective shifts, soul work begins.  He shouts into our hearts you are my beloved!  It's then we hear the call to praise and glorify the one who sees us.   So thankful that God sees us and calls us His beloved.   I am my beloveds and He is mine and His banner over me is love.   Amen!

Genesis 16:13

She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me

1 Chronicles 28:9

“And Solomon, my son, learn to know the God of your ancestors intimately. Worship and serve him with your whole heart and a willing mind. For the Lord sees every heart and knows every plan and thought. If you seek him, you will find him.

Song of Solomon 7:10

 “I am my beloved’s, And his desire is for me.