I was thinking about the verse that says "a little child shall lead them." Well, when I take Jayden with me shopping, I usually go to the toy section and find him a toy to play with while I shop. Or if it's Stefanie and I shopping together we both have realized how that tactic works with Jayden. Just find him a new toy and he's completely satisfied to hold it and play with it while we're in the store and when it's time to leave, he graciously puts it back. He doesn't necessarily want it or ask for it or ever beg for it. I thought how often do I put things back when I'm shopping for something that I really want. I find I'm holding onto things with much less attachment. Things are nice, but they don't hold the value as they have had in the past. I can truly put them back, like Jayden. What a great lesson that has been for me and I love that about him. I knew that he would teach us many things and it's just the beginning.

Today as I think about all the moments I've sensed God's presence, it's more than ever. God is close to the broken hearted and crushed in spirit. Or maybe it's that I'm tuned in. I don't know, but I'm waiting and listening.



As I sit and pray for my children, my thoughts go to Justin and Stefanie, as they will begin now to parent differently. Their lives (and ours as well) will look very different from what we thought. But God is not surprised by any of this. Why did He choose them? I wonder....all I know is that God is wise, all knowing and amazing. He has something big and we just wait expectantly. He is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we could ask or think. Now we really learn to trust in His promises.



I know Justin is struggling with all of the worries that any father would have after finding out his children have a terminal illness. All I can do is bring him to the feet of Jesus and let Him do the healing and the work that only God can do. As a parent, I want to fix what is broken, and when you realize you can't fix or mend this, you feel utterly helpless. We just again remind ourselves that God is the ultimate healer.



Psalm 43:3 Send forth your light and your truth, let them guide me, let them bring me to your holy mountain, to the place where you dwell. Then will I go to the altar of God, to God , my joy and my delight. I will praise you with the harp, O God, my God. Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

We are so thankful for the prayers and love of God's people. I realize that people show their love in amazing ways and God is using them in our lives.

We don't know where this journey will take us, but we keep reminding ourselves that it's not our job to worry about tomorrow. Our God will do that for us. He's a big God and can handle all our doubts and fears for the future. We are reminded that the trip we thought we were going to take is going to look different. But it's still a wonderful trip. Like the story about Italy, we long to take this trip because we've heard so many amazing stories about Italy and how beautiful it is and what a wonderful place to go, but then we get off the plane and we find out we're not in Italy, we're in Hollland. But realizing that Holland is beautiful as well, it might not be Italy, but it's a wonderful place too. So we don't want to spend time grieving over Italy and miss out on the beautiful and wonderful place that Holland offers. We desire now to embrace each day as gift from God. How many days we have missed out on tasting and seeing the goodness of God, because we're so busy worrying over things we have no control of anyway.

The Bible says over and over to "be still and know that I am God," "wait patiently for Him." Those aren't words that I long to hear. But I am learning. Its not easy. but I desire to walk that way. The Lord is now asking me to do that. I don't know but maybe that's the gift He's giving. Well, I'm learning if I don't share what is on my heart, that He is going to give it to someone else. Am I willing to share what He's teaching me? That's the new adventure.

A new journey

As I begin to express my thoughts on this blog, I really don't know where to begin. My thoughts race and I struggle to land them in a safe place. But our journey begins, we found out yesterday that our grandbabies, Jayden and Brooklyn have a rare genetic disorder. It's called San Filippo, it is type A; which is one of the most severe. Most children only live into their second decade with this disease. It wasn't words that we would ever want to hear. But these were the words. As I have processed these new terms , I can't tell you how my heart has ached, words can't express the depth of pain and anguish. Watching Justin and Stefanie process and walk through these last weeks has been excruciating for all of us. I've never seen my son in so much pain. He is learning as we all are how to trust God. Who would have thought we'd have to learn to trust in this way, to lay our babies down. Stefanie has been a rock. She has already turned the corner, much sooner than the rest of us I might add. She will be a fighter for her children, she will not leave one stone unturned. God couldn't have given our grandbabies anything better than the two parents he gave them. God has a plan and purpose for all of this. It certainly wasn't the trip we wanted to take. But we don't want to miss the beautiful things that He will offer us on this new journey. We will be richer for it. Psalm 34:7-8 The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them. Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him. I picture an angel protecting us, actually camped out here. Wow!! Offering us good food!!