Hey Bubba, it's your birthday!  We all wish you a happy birthday!

more treasures in the darkness

As I walked through the last few days, I have felt again completely defeated.  It was a pretty rough few days.  I expected as we took Tyler to college that it might be somewhat emotional, but I never believed it would turn out so raw and humbling. It seemed like everything that could go wrong, went wrong.  From no place to park, to anger and frustration,  to a change in rooms, to Ken leaving me in Chicago to get a ride home.  Well, all that to say, that we did work through all the mistakes, frustration and hurt and we went back to Chicago the next night to see Ty. We were able to enjoy a wonderful Chicago evening with no stress and no agenda.  Ty seemed happy and was pretty excited about his upcoming year.  I pray that God will show Himself real to Ty this year.  Life has certainly brought many changes in our lives.  It seems that God is reminding me again that I can choose to see Him even in the hard and difficult places.  When I choose to see.....He shows up in unexpected places and I am blessed!  He simply continues to show me treasures in the darkness.  Treasures that are beyond my understanding for sure! 

tears and crazy love

Sometimes I wonder what I'm supposed to be learning, I don't want to miss what God is teaching me.  Does He use brokenness, hurt?  Does He use loneliness, how about change, or how about when I give up on believing in myself?   Those were the thoughts that have been settling into my heart the last few days.  These thoughts kept intruding into my soul like a thief in the night.  Does He sometimes take away, like literally strip all of who you are and or who you thought you were, to bring about change in your life?  I know that God is doing a stripping away in my life.  It seems so much of what I've lived for has been taken away in some form or another.  Even my heart for ministry has changed, I don't know where I belong anymore.  Today I brought Jayden to his bus stop and we had such a sweet time together as we waited for his bus to come.  But when the bus came and I gathered Jayden and his book bag in my arms to put him on the bus, he began to cry.  He broke down in sobs, so I carried him to the bus and put him in his seat crying all the way.  I kissed him and told him goodbye and then blew him a kiss as I walked off the bus. As the bus pulled away, I saw him in the window and he had already stopped crying.  But as I walked to my car, I began to cry and then my tears turned to sobs.  I could hardly stand leaving him like that.  As hard as it was, I wondered when God sees the pain of his children,  does he feel for them the way I felt for Jayden.  I'm pretty sure He does.  I sensed in that moment God's arms holding me.  God needed to reveal to me His immense love..... And maybe the only way He could show me of His crazy love for me was by comparing it to my love for Jayden.  I'm glad that He loves me that much, that he would show me in a most unique way.  He shows up in places of my life when I think He's most absent.  He continues to use Jayden to remind me of whats important in life.  So today I pray that I would know when to hang on and when to let go.  I pray that I can wait quietly for Him as He continues to show up in places that continue to amaze me.   I pray that I can let God prepare me for whatever, that I can just simply praise Him even when the storms are raging.  That I can let Him fill my heart with His thoughts not my own.  I pray that I will let God have free reign in my heart to accomplish His purpose.

pursuit of God

As I was thinking about the pursuit of God just recently,  it seems that God was reminding me, He has been pursuing me all along. Often I missed it and or didn't recognize it.  But his heart had been drawing me to Himself all along and probably when I felt the most abandoned.  As I look back on the last year, so often in the darkness, He would give me a verse, a song, an encouraging word, a beautiful smile, a sweet conversation, a hug, a tear.   I can possibly think that those were all coincidences, but really.....those moments I have to believe were God pursuing me. I had heard people talk about that, but I can't say that I had recognized that in my own life until recently.  I'm glad that God shows us Himself in many unique ways, but we're so busy with life that we dismiss it.  But He comes pursuing us, like a bridegroom his bride.  What a blessing that has been to recognize His pursuit of me.  That his spirit wants to indwell in me.  To take up residence in my life.  Wow what a blessing and what comfort that brings me. The latest book that I've begun to read is The Forgotten God by Francis Chan.   It's about the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives that has been forgotten.  Another great book, I highly recommend. I'm still working my way through this book and desiring to learn more.

some summer pics

Enjoying my sweet g babies!

favorite summer read!

As I reflect on some of our summer memories, we can be thankful for the times that we were able to get away. To be still, to enjoy a different view, to do different things!  We enjoyed family, boating, seado's, grandbabies and books.  Lots of books.....I finished a great book and highly recommend it. It's by Mary Beth Chapman called Choosing to See.  She shares her story of tragedy, struggle and hope.  If you're looking to be blessed, this book might do that.  I kind of dared myself to read it, quite frankly I wasn't sure I could handle reading about someone elses tragedy and hard stuff.  But she shares from such a vulnerable place that I began to relate in so many ways to her brokenness. I couldn't put this book down.   In fact I almost wanted to adopt a little chinese girl!  So as I reflect on this book and what God is teaching me,  I looked at it as a gift in a way.  To somehow to choose to see God in the hard things,  to see the treasures in the darkness. One of the things she mentions is that we are sometimes called to do hard and so we are learning what that looks like and by God's grace are seeing God in the hard places. I have many more books that I'm reading right now.  I can't just read one book at a time.  I'll share more of my favorite reads here.