What is my gift to Jesus?

What gift am I willing to give Jesus?  We were asked this question in church yesterday by the pastor.   First we were asked what was the most extravagant gift we had ever given?  I wasn't sure that I had ever given anyone an extravagant gift.  I told my husband that I had given him our 4 children.  Now that might not have been what he was asking exactly.  But as he continued with the message, he began sharing from Matthew the story of Mary.  Mary gave an amazing extravagant gift to Jesus the week before he was going to the cross.  I wonder how much she thought about it before she poured this expenseive perfume on Jesus.  Or if it was just an overwhelming love that she felt in that instance for Him.  I put myself in Mary's place for a moment and I wonder what I would have done.  Knowing my savior was going to be crucifed later in the week, I hope I would have chosen what Mary did.  I know from Mary and Martha's account that Mary also chose to sit at Jesus feet.  While Martha was busy serving, she wanted Jesus to reprimand Mary to help her serve the meal.  But Jesus said at that moment, Martha, Martha,”  “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one.   Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

So what is my gift that I can give to Jesus.  As I've been thinking about that thought, I realize that my gift has to be my adoration.  Mary gave out of her love and adoration of Jesus.  She wasn't expecting anything back.  How often do I pray for something from Jesus.  Most often I pray with my list of bless this, ask for that, comfort someone and I know that God cares for those prayers and requests.  But I have felt a real sense that I need to begin my prayer lists with my complete adoration and love for Jesus.  Leaving behind my lists of requests.  I think when we pray differently, He listens.  When we give ourself to the one who can change lives, He does just that. 

When God whispers your name!

When God whispers your name, what do you hear?  I've been pondering that question.  What is He speaking into my soul lately?  I've been struggling to find the time to write.  To some degree I find it therapeutic.  But time just seems to get the best of me and I say, "maybe tomorrow."  I remember a woman who for a short time was a mentor to me.  She probably didn't know it because we never met formally.  We would have only a few conversations.  But in those few conversations, I learned a lot.  She would often say, "I don't want to miss what God is saying to me."  I've thought about that a lot over the last few years.   I've asked myself the same thing.  In the past few weeks, I've sensed the spirit flowing over my life and my words when I'm sharing what God has been teaching me with others.   Theres nothing more exciting than to feel that fresh spirit of God flowing and speaking new life into your soul.  I think that's what happens when God whispers your name.  His spirit flows and pours new life into your empty, parched soul.   When we take those broken steps and listen to His whispers we find new life.  When we are reaching out to broken people and listening in on their stories, we begin to heal and new life forms in us.   He leads you to places and uses your story of brokenness to help others in their own struggles and pain.  It's in those places you become filled with the blessings and goodness that God offers.  As we mentor and share our lives with others, it's mostly about listening.  A listening ear can be the best gift you give someone.  Just pay attention to what God is whispering in those moments.  It can be life giving and amazement will come when you give yourself away.   When God whispers your name, He will direct your path! 

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

my new normal

I started writing in this blog over 2 years ago.  It has been a place for soul searching I think.  A place to rest a  few thoughts that I've been pondering on. 

I wonder at times at God's provisions.  These past few years are not what I would have expected or thought would be my life or my normal.   For instance, I would never have thought that a trip to Children's Memorial would be a normal part of my life.  Well, it is.  It's no longer a challenge.  It's become routine.  Our new normal.  A lot of things I must say have become a new kind of normal. 

My new normal is enjoying Jayden's giggles and grins.  It's watching him jump and jive around the family room enjoying an episode of Bob the Builder.  Watching Brooklyn enjoy singing and dancing to Barney.  Brooklyn calling me on my phone and chatting away for about 10 minutes.  If  I was having a bad day before that phone call, well I wouldn't after that conversation..  That's the joys of having grandchildren. Watching and enjoying Lucy and hearing her ask her GG if she would like her to wipe her butt for her!   She made me laugh till I cried!

Sanfilipppo may have tried to break us and to steal our joy.  God says I have a different plan for you Joan,  are you open to hearing from me?   Surrender your pain, your sadness your struggle, all your stuff, your every day.   I will use it for good in your life.  It will now be your new normal.  So, yes my new normal is finding my days filled with wiping dirty faces, changing dirty diapers, filling juice cups, searching the cupboards for fun fruits and chips.  Picking up lots and lots of toys.  Maybe it's not an exciting life to some, but it couldn't be more fullfulling!  Living and appreciating each day that God gives.   I want God to be happy that He gave life to someone who loves, loves the gift!   My new normal.  Thats the gift!  Thank you Jesus!

Ordinary things

About one year ago I decided that I wanted to do something to help my grandbabies, Jayden and Brooklyn.  I wanted be able to give towards a house that our family wanted to help them build.  I had an idea to make a necklace using a scrabble tile.  I remember praying and asking God to use this idea to help me raise $1000 dollars to give towards building them a new home. I only asked for $1000, but God had a different plan.   God began to work in me.  He took this little idea and he multiplied it over and over.  To this date I have raised $7000.00.  Not only did God bless this idea, he multiplied it over and over again.  I'm still raising money and it's not over yet.  I realized something the last few weeks, that God is not stopped by our ordinariness, circumstances, problems or our dilemnas.  When given to Him, He can do abundantly above all that we can ask or think.  He has done that this past year.  I'm glad that God reminded me.  He says "stop and listen to your heart, Joan.  I'm speaking to you, I'm using what you have, you don't have to have a lot when I'm in it.  I use ordinary things and people.  I'm not stopped by circumstances or by your sin, or by your disobedience.  I'm not stopped by your struggles or pain.  I'm not stopped by broken things.  I'm not stopped!"  As I have leaned in to grace this past year, He keeps reminding me to give Him what I have.  Whatever that is, even if it's just a scrabble tile!   

Jayden's smile!

Today I looked into my grandson Jayden’s eyes, they were smiling.  I loved that moment.  You see Jayden can’t talk.  Unfortunately, Sanfilippo has taken that away.  So I look for moments to peer into his soul.  I grasp the moments, and with everything I have, I try and capture that smile in my memory.  I would love to bottle it up for later.  There’s something about a little boy who is full of life and activity, yet can’t communicate with words.   But Jayden has learned to communicate with his eyes.  At least that’s how I see it.  He has a gift that he gives to people who know him.  He lights up a room when he smiles.  His beautiful smile has a shine to it.  He shines his way into our hearts every day.  I know that is directly from the Lord.   In fact, God often uses Jayden to teach me.  He allows me to see Himself through the eyes and charm of a little boy named Jayden.  Trying to understand Sanfilippo is like trying to understand the mind of God.  I know that it’s not possible.  But instead I want to thank the one who gives life.  The life that God gives is sometimes not the one that we thought we’d have.  But sometimes it’s better. 

John 10:10
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.

Abundant life.....it does look different, it's beyond measure!  It's beyond our understanding! 

Finding grace !

I am amazed every day, that God continues to show up in our lives.  I want nothing more than to see God at work.  I'm thankful that God has restored my eye sight to see Him more clearly.  He's allowed me to see life through the lens of Sanfilippo.  It's not the lens that I thought I'd be looking through.  But I'm thankful everyday that He allows me to see Himself so beautifully through my grandbabies lives.  I'm blessed that God would take such great measures to show me who He is and that He is grace.   He reminded me that He showed up in love through 2 little children, Jayden and Brooklyn.  God gives grace and we often miss it, because we're looking through our own clouded eye sight.  I'm surprised by God's grace.  God has used Sanfilippo to tenderize my heart, and to show me what grace looks like.  He's allowed me to see and to be drawn to the broken places.  Life isn't about getting it all right,  putting all the pieces together nicely, it's more about allowing God to take the broken parts and then He pours Himself into those broken places.  He has shown me way more of who He is through the pain than He ever could have in the easy and good things of this life.  So I'm grateful that God has given me this new language, the language of grace.   I ask  that God will continue to deepen me and grow me into His likeness.  I know He will, using Jayden and Brooklyn to remind me, to remind me of the grace of God. 

Blessings of praying!

I've been wanting to write, but I stopped believing that I had anything to say.  But God keeps reminding me of whose I am.  By God's grace, He reminds me that He is enough for me.  I often think, I don't feel Him, hear Him, see Him, sense Him, but it's in that moment that I realize I just have to BELIEVE HIM.  I have to believe that He is!  When I can believe that He is, it's then God says you're enough for me, and I am enough for you.  

It seems my life is about listening mostly, sometimes sharing, and a lot of praying.  I don't feel that I pray enough, but when I do pray, I feel filled to over flowing.  I used to think that the power was in my prayer, but I realize the power is in the one who hears my prayers.  It has nothing to do with me, it has everything to do with Him.  I'm thankful for the prayers and for the one who hears them.  It's when I pray that I'm changed, maybe the circumstances don't change.  But I'm the one who is changed.  That's the gift.  I love that gift. I had parents who prayed faithfully everyday.  I probably didn't appreciate those prayers when I was young.  Now I appreciate those prayers like never before.  I sometimes wonder if God has stored up all those prayers for my life today.  So today I'm thankful for the prayers.  The prayers of a righteous man availeth much.  So I pray, Lord avail much!  He does. He will.