A dream repurposed.

I remember when I first became a parent,  I was just 21 years old.  I wondered how life could get any better.  I was in love with the hopes and dreams of starting a family. Even though it was overwhelming at times I knew I was born for this.  Motherhood for me came fairly easy.

We would have 4 children in 13. 6 years.   We spread out our family.  I often wondered why we did that.   Quite often I thought I'd be raising kids into eternity.   It certainly wasn't as easy as it looked. 

But we were living in many ways the American dream.  Successful business, a beautiful home, a growing family.  I was grateful and blessed. 

God would continue to bless us as we watched our son Justin marry Stefanie and begin their journey together.   

Soon Jayden would bound into our lives like a little bulldozer.  He was full of smiles and energy.   

He would change our names to Ama and Bubba.   We loved our new title.  Life was wonderful and we relished in this little boy.  He changed our lives.

A few years later Jaydens little sister would capture our hearts.  Brooklyn's beautiful blonde curls and blue sparkly eyes would melt everyone in her presence.  The blessings seemed to overflow. 

But life changed dramatically as we watched the hopes and dreams that Justin and Stefanie had for their family come crashing down.   A diagnosis of Sanfiippo syndrome would puncture what we thought was a blessed life.  

Those were painful days as we all landed with our faces in the dirt.  We would literally bury Jayden and Brooklyn's future.  Sanfilippo syndrome a severe disorder offered a very short life.   The painful words that followed made little sense and were painful to process. 

This was not a part of my dreams for my family.  I had no place for this pain.  I would break beyond what I thought I could handle.

I wanted to rescue my kids and their pain.  Isn't that what parents do.  But I couldn't even navigate my own.  It was more than I could manage.  

No where in my simple dreams did I ever give room for pain or suffering especially when it came to my grandbabies.  

Where is that avenue to navigate?   I couldn't see one in front if me. 

My dad would pass away at this time as well.  It felt as though God was stripping me away.  My hero in the faith and favorite prayer warrior was gone.  Now at the most painful time of my life, the one I depended on was not there. 

I knew this burden was way too heavy for me to carry.   I sensed in that moment God repurposing my life.  I would begin to see Sanfilippo syndrome as a picture of grace.  It took time.  

The hand of God was evident as I watched Justin and Stefanie step out in faith and learn to navigate a very difficult path with special needs children. They inspired us as we struggled to make sense of this new journey.

Grace quickly became my place to bury my sadness and grow my faith.   Grace would iuminate meaning in a dark hallway.

God over time began to redeem my own pain.  He began to open up my heart to a new passion.  He's given me a deep love for broken people.  

But had Sanfilippo not entered my life. I would never have been able to do what God has called me to today.  Jayden and Brooklyn's diagnosis was the foundation to which God would show us how to give grace to others and help them see their own repurposed dreams. 

He is repurposing all of our pain  day by day as we walk along side of broken people. 

We stumble onto each other's paths. 

Sometimes we cry and bleed and laugh.   

He calls me beyond my capabilities to shine himself so others can see.  But he is the one who equips.  

It's often clumsy, messy and broken. But  

God in his plan has shown us his grace brick by brick.  Through the filter of Sanfilippo syndrome, I'm able to love beyond my imagination. 

He continues to remind me of the blessings of repurposed dreams.  It was his plan all along.  

Brooklyn. Our sweet bee!! With a smile that melts everyone in her presence.  

Jayden. At work. Our sweet beautiful boy!!