Reflections from a feathered nest!

We were sitting in a packed gymnasium waiting for the music to begin.  I realized I'd been here before but the names and faces were different.   It was an emotional moment as we anticipated the  procession of graduates.  My head turns to watch our son enter the room amongst streams of blue caps and gowns.  The tears I try to hold back begin to

stream down my cheek anyway.    My heart is filled with an emotion that revisits me.  

When did my youngest of 4 grow up?  Did I blink too many times?   My mind begins to reminisce as I peer into my feathered nest.   I realize the inevitable, my nest is now empty.

It seemed like yesterday that I began to feather my nest.   Over the years I would watch it grow and expand.  I would do my best to be a good mom, but failed more than I care to admit.  

I realized even on the best days my nest was imperfect.   It would often splinter and occasionally burst of struggle and conflict.   I often questioned my parenting skills and worried at times about my poor judgments.  

I found it easy to compare my nest to others.   I wrestled with doubt, fear and wonder at my abilities to raise 1 child let alone 4.   I made my share of parenting mistakes.   But our nest by God's grace withstood the strong winds that blew.

This day I am struck by the emotion, that my job is finished.   I am turning the page of yet another chapter in my life.    I am reminded that we raise our kids to fly, but my heart says otherwise.   

We watch them grow, change and begin to feather their own nests, it echoes what we began many years ago.   Though I still struggle to make sense of it all, I grasp that herein lies the blessing.

Somehow I would understand it wasn't about challenging success in our children or about the trophies, awards and rewards of a specific academic lesson or degree. 

 I would slowly learn it was much greater than any education could offer.  It was in my imperfect way, helping them to find the deep love and grace of God for themselves.   Searching for meaning and hope when it seemed far away.  It was in the struggle of their own brokenness and trials that they would learn to lean on His sufficiency.  

 Today as I watch my youngest reach for his diploma I see the reflection of my feathered nest in him.  I quietly take in the blessing of a holy moment.    

My youngest leaves the nest just like his  siblings with an enormous heart and love for Jesus.   It is nothing I can take credit for, but by God's grace.

As I peer back into my feathered nest, I realize that He was always there, for the difficult moments and painful places, standing in the gap.  Today I see that he had covered our imperfect with His perfection.  

 I know now, my nest is not empty, it just looks different.  It spills over with more than enough.  

More than enough to see 

the blessings of an imperfect nest ! 

 

Psalm 84:3Even the sparrow finds a home, and the swallow builds her nest and raises her young at a place near your altar, O Lord of Heaven’s Armies, my King and my God!

Psalm 104:12The birds nest beside the streams and sing among the branches of the trees.