tears and crazy love

Sometimes I wonder what I'm supposed to be learning, I don't want to miss what God is teaching me.  Does He use brokenness, hurt?  Does He use loneliness, how about change, or how about when I give up on believing in myself?   Those were the thoughts that have been settling into my heart the last few days.  These thoughts kept intruding into my soul like a thief in the night.  Does He sometimes take away, like literally strip all of who you are and or who you thought you were, to bring about change in your life?  I know that God is doing a stripping away in my life.  It seems so much of what I've lived for has been taken away in some form or another.  Even my heart for ministry has changed, I don't know where I belong anymore.  Today I brought Jayden to his bus stop and we had such a sweet time together as we waited for his bus to come.  But when the bus came and I gathered Jayden and his book bag in my arms to put him on the bus, he began to cry.  He broke down in sobs, so I carried him to the bus and put him in his seat crying all the way.  I kissed him and told him goodbye and then blew him a kiss as I walked off the bus. As the bus pulled away, I saw him in the window and he had already stopped crying.  But as I walked to my car, I began to cry and then my tears turned to sobs.  I could hardly stand leaving him like that.  As hard as it was, I wondered when God sees the pain of his children,  does he feel for them the way I felt for Jayden.  I'm pretty sure He does.  I sensed in that moment God's arms holding me.  God needed to reveal to me His immense love..... And maybe the only way He could show me of His crazy love for me was by comparing it to my love for Jayden.  I'm glad that He loves me that much, that he would show me in a most unique way.  He shows up in places of my life when I think He's most absent.  He continues to use Jayden to remind me of whats important in life.  So today I pray that I would know when to hang on and when to let go.  I pray that I can wait quietly for Him as He continues to show up in places that continue to amaze me.   I pray that I can let God prepare me for whatever, that I can just simply praise Him even when the storms are raging.  That I can let Him fill my heart with His thoughts not my own.  I pray that I will let God have free reign in my heart to accomplish His purpose.