I just wanted to share what I shared with my Awana girls parent dinner on February 10th. I have to say I was able to open my heart in a new way. It wasn't easy. But I knew I needed to share from a broken place. I realize that everyone can relate to a broken heart. So this is what I shared ~

As I was thinking about what I wanted to talk about, I thought why not talk about our hearts. It’s Valentines Day, so it's a perfect opportunity. But as I started thinking about my own heart, all I could think, was that my heart was broken. But when I mentioned that to my husband, he said "that’s just it Joan, everyone can relate to a broken heart." So I want to tell you about my broken heart, but let me start with some other types of broken things first.

As I walked around my house, I soon realized I had found several things that were broken. I began to categorize my broken things. I realized that I had broken things in my house that I could fix. So that’s good, I can paint, or sew, or glue, or whatever the broken item needs. I also realized there were things that I couldn’t fix, but my husband could fix them. So I put his name to the top of that list. So that's great, maybe eventually these things will be fixed. Then I thought about things that were broken and could be replaced by going to the store and replacing them. I love to buy new things, especially when there’s a purpose. That’s fun. Not a problem. I realized that there was also a category of things that I couldn’t fix, nor could my husband, nor could I replace them by going to the store. For example, I have a clock that’s an heirloom. It’s very valuable to me, because my Dad gave it to me many years ago. When he gave it to me, he said now this clock is very intricate and sensitive, you shouldn’t move it around too much. You have to take special care of it. Although, I did my best with that, sure enough, the clock broke. But I remember my Dad saying, it’s ok we can always find a clock maker or clock repairer. It can be fixed, we just need to find the right person, with the right skills, an expert craftsman.

I also thought of another type of brokenness, broken relationships. It happens, sometimes, relationships break. Maybe it’s with a family member, or a dear friend. We’re human and we say things that are hurtful. It happens in life, we can count on broken relationships at times. But there is hope, there are powerful words that we can use to help mend those broken relationships. Words like “I’m sorry, or I forgive you, or you’re forgiven”. Sometimes an” I love you” helps to begin the healing of a broken relationship. And sometimes just a hug is worth a thousand words.

This leads to my story, to my brokenness. October 6, 2009, my daughter in law took her son Jayden, my little 3 year old grandson, to a geneticist. A dr. of genetics who specializes in tracing our dna or our genes that are passed from a parent to a child at birth. The words the doctor used that day would be like daggers to our heart. He said that he believed that Jayden had a rare genetic disorder called MPS. He said it’s a terminal illness, it’s fatal. He will probably only live into his 2nd decade of life. This means maybe 12-14 years old. This disease will attack the central nervous system. He will eventually not be able to walk or talk. It would take several weeks to determine which MPS disorder he had. But after several blood tests, they determined it was MPS 111 which is more commonly called Sanfilippo type A. Those words would break our hearts. Those words would change our lives. Fast forward a couple weeks, the doctor said that he would also need to test Brooklyn, Jayden’s little sister, our beautiful 3 month old granddaughter. She also tested positive for Sanfilippo. Our hearts would be broken again beyond belief. Where do you go with a broken heart? All I know is I began to call out to God, he began to show me himself through his word. The verse I began to claim is Psalms 34:18 ~ The Lord is close to the broken hearted. He rescues those who are crushed in spirit. I remember when my children were small, and they would come to me sometimes with their hands open holding something broken with big tears in their eyes. I would do my best to take what they were holding and try to fix it. I began to picture God doing that for me. I picture him holding my broken heart and my sons broken heart and my daughter in laws broken heart and my families broken heart in his hands with tears streaming down His face. He cradles our broken heart in the palm of his hands, because when your heart is broken, it needs to be carefully held. It needs an expert craftsman. Fast forward a couple months, my Dad had been very sick, he had leukemia for 2 years and now he was really sick. He went into the hospital and God took him home to heaven on January 8th. I really miss my Dad. My Dad was my prayer warrior. You see when my family was going through the hard moments with Jayden and Brooklyn, he was the first one I called and asked to pray. He would always point me to Jesus. He couldn’t fix my broken heart, but He knew the one that could. Another verse that has become my anthem, during this season of life is found in Isaiah 45:2-3 ~ This is what Lord says, I will go before you and level the mountains. I will smash down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. And I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness - riches stored in secret places. I will do this so you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, the one who calls you by name. ~ You see he is showing us a pathway through our pain. Those are the treasures in the darkness. I know he will continue to show us those treasures and the riches that are stored in secret places. I certainly don't have it all figured out. This is the journey that we're on. So if you're heart is broken like mine, call on Him. He will do the work, the mending, the healing in his time.